The End...

piped up my Charley bean, just after the preacher had Sam & Jim Ed recite their vows, to the delight of the crowd gathered to celebrate with them...

Eva danced the night away with Rebecca...spinning, shaking and dancing tandem "Gundam Style" with Ivy (who stole the show with her dance moves!) 

Charley stole Daddy's tie, learned the particulars of pool from Uncle Markie, snacked on cupcakes, shook the second floor of Rosewood with Jake & Luke...

Ivy spoke sweet words to her Mom & new StepDad, Jim Ed...

I cried.  I laughed.  I smiled so much my face hurt.  And I was filled to the core with gratitude for the happiness that radiated from my sister & her darling husband on their amazing day.

And then I saw a picture of Charles and I dancing...and I knew with every fiber of my being that my sister and her husband have that something....that invisible tether...that permanence of love that God has blessed Charles and I with.  I know that no matter what, forever, she will love him as I love Charles.

Blessings, so many blessings.

& the jeep was staged in the middle of the road...

the miniature driver staring me down in a contest of wills as I creeped down the street....when all of sudden he jumped out of his vehicle, toddled to my truck, greeted me with his usual "Hi, Mommy!!) and then proceeded to instruct to "Wait, Mommy, I move it!" as he pushed the jeep out of the way for me to pass by...

Truly, it was one of those moments I wish I could replay over and over and over!   

Turning Double Digits...

silly little midgets...
chapter books...

fishhooks...

Eyeball head lullabies....

Charley spinning to the sky, 

Sammy giggling at his big sis, 

Mommy making a little wish. 

Memories, please stay sharp & clear...

so near...so dear...

Little girls spinning round and round,
Hark the Herald Angels Sing in the background.
Baby Jesus held so high,
sweet little voices singing nigh ...

Goodnight Moon and Twinkle Star,
Reading with Mommy, repeating every word
Mommy, I turn the page?
Mommy, see that balloon?
Mommy, the balloon all gone!

Twinkle, Twinkle little star,
you are my bright and shining star.
Alight in your sweet voice,
spark is your favorite word of choice.

Tonight you tended to your own sweet baby.
A tiny lollipop you carried in your hand.
I asked your baby's name,
you looked at me so matter of factly and just said, "baby!"
I asked you if we could give your baby a name and you said "ok!"
I queried, "Can we call him Jasper?"
"Ok," was your reply.
Just when I thought you couldn't melt my heart any more, you handed me your baby's lollipop, pulled your toy phone from your back pocket, told your baby to "call Jasper, baby!" and held the phone to your baby's ear.
Mommy's sweet Sam...snuggly love, baby boy, don't grow up yet.

MOM, there is NO NOTHING in there!

...and other "Maxisms"

MOM!  You wipe my butt?! (Grover voice...)

MOM!  I don't like that shirt, it has buttons on it!  (whiney voice, not cute!)

MOM!  I HAVE TO GO POTTY! (Grover voice with urgency, similar to Grover when he is attempting to be Super Grover and fly, which never turns out well...)

MOM!  I watch a tiny movie?  (said while showing me tiny with his fingers...exactly what is a tiny movie?  Do you watch it on a tiny screen?  I'm pretty sure it's Max's way of convincing me that it's not a big deal to watch TV AGAIN.)

MOM!  (note all quotes begin with MOM, because he never just says, Hey Mom, Can I ....It's MOM with an exclamation point and Grover voice...)
You come over HERE! (here said just like King of the Hill or some other southern cartoon character I can't understand without a southern dictionary...)

Suffice it to say...I love listening to his sweet and amazing voice, I shed a little tear every time his voice gets a little more grown up and his grammar gets a little better...
Love my lil' southern gentleman!

I think I'll remember, but really...

I'll have to read this blog...

 to envision my sweet Charley all nestled in her bed, gloves on & glowing brightly red, sound asleep while the room around is lit in shadows from those crazy..glowing..skeleton gloves she so proudly conned her Dad into today.

 to remember the site of my oldest child all nestled in her bed, still such a little one at heart...

 to recall how much Sam LOVES his blue bear, how he must have him to go to sleep and how he insists we rock and sing "Happy" (Twinkle, Twinkle...) every night before bed....

to realize that one day my twins just grew up and grew out of those cribs and into big kid beds with "NO SIDES, MOM!"  (This was a direct result of the fact that they jumped in their cribs so much, so often and so hard that they actually BROKE them...)  and that Mercy looks deceptively sweet and laid back (and quiet...since that child talks from the time she gets up until she passes out at night...) while she snoozes on her double pillow pets with her mimi right where she might need it.

And to laugh as I remember how Max must sleep with the full compliment of animals, pillow pet, blankets and blue dog..."Mom, there is not enough animals...(spoken in the Grover voice, which just so happens to be my FAVE Sesame Street Character, so the fact that my sweet boy talks just like him completely ROCKS!)

But mostly, I'll just want to remember how softly they would breathe, how sweetly they would snuggle,  and how I love them so much my heart bursts a little every time I see them sleeping...innocent and precious, just the way God created them & gave them to me.  (Oh, and Charles...LOL)

Sweet dreams...
Tiff

Give me a KISS!!!

LOOK AT THAT FACE!!! 

said the owner of that ADORABLE face, as he tried to rip my pants down tonight getting my attention...

apparently things are so loud and crazy here in clan mac land that my youngest little bean felt it necessary to display his affection loudly and with enthusiasm, thus ensuring his spot as favorite youngest child.  (each of my kids is my favorite at least once a day...depends on who gives me the most kisses or snuggles!)  

THAT Sam...what can I possibly say about him that might give you just the slightest glimpse into the miasma of personality that is my youngest son?  

Hmmm.  

Most importantly, he LOVES TO LOVE....gives mucho kisses, over and over, snuggles with big hugs and ADORES playing with my face.  

At my Mom's last week, he "melted" into the wall in a fit of wailing because I wouldn't let him go out by the pool by himself.  I almost peed myself laughing.  

Right before that, when my good friend T stopped by to pick up her daughter, his utterance of an 8 word sentence (EIGHT WORDS....he's TWO..."Mommy, I want water with ice in it.") prompted her to count the words and proclaim her astonishment.   (She is his pediatrician, so that actually means a lot!)  That time, I was so proud, I had permagrin.  

He can utter 8 word sentences, but really just screams his head off like any good 2 year old would whenever he is not receiving things in a timely fashion, is given food he does not prefer, is overlooked for affection or cannot have his way with a toy/truck/ball/etc....This happens about every 5 minutes or so...I'm being fitted for hearing aids next week.  

He is a BULLY and really enjoys aggravating the poop out of his brother, which he then alternates with giving Max hugs and love.  (And he wonders why Max is NOT super enthused about hanging out with him most of the time...)

His favorite food at the moment is... OATMOLE! (Oatmeal for those of you who don't speak Sam.)  Which is closely seconded by chocolate, as was evidenced by the screaming tantrum he threw tonight when I told him the M-n-M's were all gone.  Thankfully, the glass on my pantry door is pretty toddler-proof... 

He is built like a brick house and carrying him around is tantamount to lugging a sack of potatoes that refuses to support it's own weight.  I'm beginning to list to one side, which will only serve to make me even shorter.  (Yeah!  More short jokes from my family coming right up!)

Being a big boy is top on his list of priorities...he eats with silverware, wants to try out the potty, must brush teeth with his big sibs, LOVES to "read" books. and gets p*ssed when I make him use a sippy cup.  (And I mean P*SSED!)   

Although, when we are outside playing, he is happy to be the little brother and be chauffeured around the block in any of the fleet of toddler vehicles we have here on my street of 20 kids under 15.  (I'm not kidding....2 sets of twins 3 and under!)  I particularly love it when he is riding shotgun in the pink Barbie Corvette while Mercy is 4-wheeling it like a maniac.  (She actually makes it catch "wheel...")  

Ah...and the melodious odes to pour forth from his lips...He LOVES to sing!!  Baa Baa Black Sheep, Happy Birthday to You (which he sings as Happy to you!), Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star!  The sweetest little notes are his voice!

Finally....he occasionally gives me a Mommy melt when he lets me rock and sing to him.  That little ANGEL let me do it today.  And when Mama didn't feel good, that was the cure I needed.  

Ah, my sweet Sam Sam....

tho' you're a bit like Bam Bam,  

inside you're all squishy...

you love to give a kisseee,

2 years have whizzed by...

in the blink of an eye, 

no longer my wee one...

your baby years are done,

alas, in my heart you'll always be....

my tiny baby bee, 

for now and for always...

for the rest of my days.  

Happy 2 years to you... 

my sweet bugaboo, 

don't grow up to fast...

Mommy prays this time to last, 

In your words, my little love....HAPPY TO YOU!!!!  HAPPY TO YOU!!! 

Love you forever...

Mama

A sweet birthday...

of cookies &; fire trucks...

chick-fil-a...

fries...

crazy play with wonderful friends...

toys-r-us and legos...

out of this world cookies at barnes and noble....

trains...

books...

animal crackers...

veggies tales...

cereal for dinner...

snuggles with sibs!

of love...

laughter...

My M-n-M's singing Happy Birthday to each other...swapping birthday kisses and hugs...

Me...remembering the moment we brought them into this world and being Thankful, so Thankful....that God trusted us with them.

Happy 3rd Birthday Max &; Mercy...

Love,
Mama & Daddy

Max...

Mom, let me do it!

Mom, I GO POOP!

Mom, I farted.

Mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Look at me, Mom!

I want my jammies!

Dude.  You ROCK! 

Love, 

Mama

Mommy....

you rock me?

Mommy, rock?

precious words...that lead to moments forever treasured. Sweet Sam & I in the chair, rocking slowly, singing softly...Max & Mercy, side by side, swaying, singing...all together.

Baa Baa Black Sheep

Have you any wool?

Yes Sir, Yes Sir,

three bags full.

One for my master,

one for my dame.

One for the little boy who lives down the lane....

Baa Baa Black Sheep

Have you any wool?

Yes Sir, Yes Sir,

three bags full.

Baa Baa Black Sheep,

have you any hay?

Name your price and I will pay.

We spilled our milk

what shall we do?

We spilled our milk

can we get some from you?

Baa Baa Black Sheep...
Have you any wool?

Yes Sir, Yes Sir....

Three bags full!

What a Gift from God you are to me...

My sweet and precious child....

A gift from God sent here to me,

to bring up wise and strong.

To give to you the gift of Christ,

I have only so long.

Oh, hear me child, my sweet, precious gift...

engrave His words so deep.

Know them in your heart and in your soul

His laws you are to keep.

Precious in His sight you are to Him,

forever held so dear.

Each day you will live

He already knows

and loves you still the same.

Do not stray from His loving arms  

for He holds you safe and right

If at all you fear of things in dark

know that He is King of Light.

What a gift from God you are, my child...

So sweet, precious and right.

I will love you all the days of my life

I will love you all my days, my dear,

I will love you all my days.

Written from my heart....

by the hand of God,

A song for my blessings.

With All My Love....

Mama

A little help...

goes a long, long, way when you are sick, exhausted and at your limit.

I've got no wit tonight, nothing profound. Just a simple...

Thank. You. Wonderful. Friends.

for an afternoon of much needed rest, quiet and an opportunity to just be.

God is so Good. Just so Good.

His gifts are many.

His love is endless.

And I am just so grateful.

Because he brought these people into my life. Those who helped me today, those who help me other days, those who lift me up, dry my tears, encourage me, love my children, cut up my trees, fix my fence, change my light bulbs, cart my kids around, bring me soup, eat dinner with me & my crazy clan...

and those who just listen with a willing and giving heart.

Thank you, each and every one of you.

You all know who you are.

My love goes out to each of you with a beholden heart.

love,

tiff

la..la..lalalala..lalala...la..la...

sings Max. All of a sudden, Max sings. and sings. and sings! It's just the sweetest sound. And Mercy joins in... their sweet voices blending together... a natural harmony, a lovely cadence, a duet created in my womb that blooms a bit more each day, surprising me & delighting me.

Tonight, Sam rocked with me as they sang, watching them quietly...a bit fascinated, I think by them. Even after I snuggled him down into his bed, he lay there quietly, listening, watching, loving.

Charley needed some Mommy time at bed, which Mercy was unwilling to give...and then they just joined together to sing, pray and hold hands...

Max hunkered down on the floor, Eva reading to him. Mercy & I joined in, sprawled about on our bellies. Flashlight on, lights out, reading God's Word in the tiniest glow of light. Snuggling close, praying softly, singing joyously.

Eva...a later bedtime...nose in a book...growing, growing, changing, just one year from double digits...

A reminder from all around that my children are the best that God has given, the gift He has laid upon Charles & I.  Amazing.

18 Years Ago Today, Part 2...

Okay, so please don't expect a grand, eloquent blog post. I do not have a way with words like my beautiful wife. But when I logged on this morning after church and read her beautiful post, I just wanted to write a few things here about the love of my life.

See, before we even went on our first date I had to work up the courage just to ask her out and even then I arranged it so that we went out with a group of friends. But as we went on more dates, I truly realized that I had found the woman of my dreams.

She mentioned the first night I that New Year's Eve when I told her "I Love You. I really do." She mentioned that it took me a while to "get there" and that she left once, sure she wanted to be free. And how I was patient, kind, forgiving, and loved her unconditionally.

What she didn't mention was how much of a pain I was during our first few years together, while dating. It was during these years, that she was the patient, kind, forgiving, and yes most of all, the one who loved me unconditionally. She put up with a lot from me during those first years. Times when any other woman would have probably given up and told me it was time to leave.

When I look back, I am the one who thanks God that she hung in there and did not give up on me.

We have been blessed in so many ways these past 18 years. And yes we are closer than ever. We share a rare bond, that holds us close even when apart.

Tiffany, I thank you for your wonderful post, it lifted me up when I needed it most. It was hard being away from you during this time of year. As I was walking back to my room last night, I was thinking of that night, 18 years ago, in that honky-tonk when I first told you, "I Love You" and also how we renewed our vows, 11 years ago, in Solana Beach. Then I wake and find your lovely post. Coincidence? I think not! I believe it is two hearts that love each other so much, that nothing can keep them apart!

I am counting the days until I return home and hold you in my arms so you can whisper...

I Love You Darling

And I'll be there.

C

18 years ago today...

in a corner booth at a noisy honky-tonk in Jacksonville, NC...Collin Raye was blaring over the speakers, singing "If You Get There Before I Do..." and my future husband turned to me with tears in his eyes and told me..."I Love You. I really do."

And it was funny, I had been there for so long. I knew the instant we went on our first date, where he two-stepped with me to Garth Brooks in a dive bar in Havelock, whispering in my ear..."how could a man like me get so lucky to go on a date with a woman like you?" that he was the man I would marry. I woke up the very next day to the sound of ringing phone. Auntie Re was on the other line, calling from a visit with my Mom & family and I told her, I said, "I just went on a date with the man I'm going to marry." I just knew it. It took him a while to "get there," but I thank God every day that he did.

I left once. I walked away, sure I wanted to be free. I wasn't there anymore. But he was. He "got there" before I did and he waited. He was patient, kind, forgiving, and most of all, he loved me unconditionally, with his whole heart. He waited. And I came back.

11 years ago today, we stood with my family in Solana Beach and got "married" all over again, starting new, starting fresh.

And today, 18 years later, here we are, separated by 7000 miles...closer than ever, bonded for life and blessed with the 5 most amazing children any parents could ever ask for.

Charles, I miss you more than I could ever express with written words. My heart hurts when you are not here and I don't feel whole. I can't wait to see you again and whisper in your ear..."how could a woman like me get so lucky to have a man like you?"

Happy "I Love You" Anniversary, my love.

I'll be waiting.

Me.

The reason for the season...

was beautiful tonight.

My little blessings and I attended the live nativity at Emmanuel Baptist Church in Cedar Point tonight. Yep, I decided taking 5 small children to a place with fire, live animals, cookies, donuts and hot cider was a smashing idea.

WELL, ha. I was right.

It was just lovely. Of course, I got all teary eyed at the end when I took a pic of my minis to send to their Daddy. But...I'm quite pleased that I didn't cave to my overwhelming desire to stay home in my jammies and do a lot of cleaning (OR nothing...)

What a gift to my littles to have a little bit of an understanding of what it must have been like so many years ago for Mary & Joseph to travel to a strange place to do God's work. What faith they must have possessed! And how overwhelming, pregnant with no place to go and no warm bed to lie upon. It gave me much pause to realize how truly gifted we are in our time.

Charley, that sweet bean, says as she is getting tucked in tonight..."Mommy, was that the real Bethlehem?"

Mercy, light of this little family, was quite the lady this eve. Asked by our "shepperd" if she knew who was born on Christmas day, she piped back with "Baby Jesus was!"

Max, my man, was a little overwhelmed with all the business about, so he stuck to me like glue but watched with great interest.

Eva was quite impressed and made me promise to take her back again next year. :-)

Sam...well he was Sam. Tried to rip the stroller apart to escape, tore his cookie in half before he ate it and entertained the masses with his antics.

As for me?

Just too blessed to be stressed. I'm going to bed with a messy house. And when I say messy...I mean it.

Oy.

Merry CHRISTmas, my friends.

love,

clan mac mama

Oh, my mini macs...

Mommy is just so darn sorry. I've let so much time pass by with no news of you. So much has happened and the time has flown by...

Sam... you let Mommy rock you to sleep now. IT is just the sweetest time. You are quite the stubborn little Mac...wonder where you get THAT from?

Mercy... you are the littlest mommy with the sweetest heart... and the most heartbreaking sadness over your Daddy being gone.

Max...You are just a little turkey butt. Fakey Fakerton is my most favorite term of endearment for you. Stubborn, smart and DETERMINED. Your smile melts my heart and the kisses you give are sweeter than any candy.

Charley...my heart just almost bursts when you tell me you'll always live next door. I'm going to hold you to that! Math is your favorite part of the day, which completely CRACKS me up, since I'm the one teaching you and really...you should be teaching me!

Eva...my sweet, amazing firstborn baby. It's been a little tough lately...and your capacity to love, forgive and stay strong is SO inspiring to Mommy. I love you more than you can ever know...well, until you have your own little mini-me. Thank you, sweet bean, for your sweet soul.

Charles...I miss you so much it hurts. I'm lonely and I need a hug. Send me one from across the miles...I"m sending one to you.

2 months down. Thank You Jesus!

love,

tiff & the many mini macs

ahhh......i'm still breathing....

sort of. Mostly I'm probably hyperventilating, alternating with praying...yelling...praying...yelling...

Um, it's sort of like the deployment hamster wheel of the wife of the deployed Marine who is just looney enough to homeschool, run a home business AND maintain a level of TYPE A that is really treatable with just enough wine....

and then, I'm stupid enough to page back through my old posts. Yes, I just said STUPID. Don't page back through old posts that are funny, cute and quite memorable when you are completely incapable of posting even a blurb about your kids because you are so tired most of the time that you forget how to speak properly...

All wittiness aside...all clan mac moments here in a nutshell!

Eva:

Chapterbookaholic...

Has developed a sassiness that could cost her one of her nine lives...

BUT, is so sweet and helpful when I let her be. (Yes, I just said that too. I'm having a control freak problem right now...)

Loves. Loves. Loves! the other mini macs! Loves to chat with me, Loves to dress her little sib, Mercy. Wishes with every fiber of her being that I could spend more time with her. Breaks my heart that I can't figure out how. (Cloning? Am I the next Dolly?)

Amazes me constantly with how capable she is. Gets ALL of her littles up and dressed with just a little prompting from the Mommy. What, oh what, would I do without her?

Eva...you ROCK!

A flitting, funny, fabulous whirl of a girl!

Charley...

Oh, what can you say about a whirling dervish of a tomboy who thinks that wearing a dress is a punishment? Seriously...we just ended a 3 day run of dress punishment. When I told her she could pick out her own clothes for tomorrow, you'd have thought she won the lego lottery. On the flip side, a math lesson is like a treat and her math book is a coveted work of love. Her heart is so big it gives me goosebumps and her temper is so epic it takes every ounce of my self control not too just bust out laughing every time she stomps out of the room with her arms crossed and her lower lip so far out she's almost tripping on it...

Like a sponge, she just absorbs all that surrounds her and constantly astounds me with what pops out of those rosebud lips of hers. She too, is a little mommy. Although...she tends to be more of an arm wrestling, JUST DO IT NOW, kind of little mommy. (Hmmm, who could she be like?)

Mercy...

Little miss sassy señorita smarty pants...heart of gold, uber-sensitive, brutally honest, unfailingly sweet and VERY old soul. She randomly decided about 2 weeks ago that she'd like to be potty trained...and she did it almost entirely on her own. THANK YOU JESUS. For all of you who doubt his essential existence and grace...have 3 kids in diapers while your hubby is deployed, then have one decide to cut you a break and actually deposit her own by-products into a toilet...you WILL believe. forever. I promise.

Listening to her speak in paragraphs and try to mother each and every one of her siblings is the sweetest sound. I'm confounded on a minute by minute basis by her maturity of speech and ability to know EXACTLY what she is doing. She is the most calculated child I've given birth to yet...CRAP. I'm in for it in a major way.

Max...

All boy...almost all the time. The poor kid is certain that he is adrift in a sea of estrogen. He is finally starting to realize that he and Sam must be a testosterone team if they have any hope of surviving the ovarian regime in which they are drowning...He'll push the stroller with his dog in it, but he will TAKE YOU OUT if you try to steal it away. Picky...picky...picky eater, it would be easier if I just pureed his favorite foods and fed him through a straw. But, oh wow, can he make a mama feel special. His kisses are like winning the lottery and that smile is magazine cover material! Trucks, cars and dirt are his best friends, just make sure you are ready with the soap when he finally realizes he's dirty! Oh, and did I mention exactly how he gives those kisses? He fixes you with those eyeballs...tilts his head just a bit, leans in as smooth as silk, places his hands on your cheeks and plants one on ya. and lingers like a little lothario. Watch it, chickies!

Sam...

Sam, sweet Sam. Or should I say, Tank, BIG TANK. Fighting for his place, he is quite certain that none of this family is going to steamroll over him! When I say tank, I am NOT kidding. That kid has a grip that could take down the world arm wrestling champ, a right hook that is golden gloves worthy and an appetite that is bottomless. Big man does NOT miss a meal. There is currently a phase happening in which he allows me the privilege of rocking him every night...PLEASE GOD, don't let this phase pass...it is my most cherished moment of the day. I really don't know how I made it this far into motherhood without this. None of the other beans loved rocking quite as much as Sam. Mercy was a close second, Charley & Max tied for 3rd, Eva did NOT like it. :-( Sam is making up for it all. Thank you Jesus. Sam Sam is not happy unless he is in the middle of the chaos, learning how to jump off the play table or roll end to end on the couch right along with the big kids. He's repeating tons of words, so I guess I'd better quite cursing like a sailor...and the best thing of all? He SMACKS his lips when I bring him his bottles. IT is stinking fabulous. The little turkey never does it for the camera, so I guess I"ll have to remember it in my mind movie mode. Smilin' Sam, I just love that God knew I needed you.

Happy Fall, ya'll!

love,

clan mac mama

Found this one and realized I never hit publish...On January 20, 2009...

at just about a quarter to nine,
they told us that you'd soon be here.
So with just a bit of fear, we let out a great big cheer!
Mercy arrived at 1:02,
followed in a bit by baby two.
Little Max took his own sweet time,
arriving later at one one nine.
Thus began life as a family of six,
a crazy,wacky, maniacal mix!
In the whirlwind chaos of your first 12 months,
you grew into such adorable runts!
Completed our family is what you did,
your effervescent joy made us flip our lid!
Happy Birthday to Mercy,
Happy Birthday to Max,
Our wonderful, adorable, twin mini macs!!

Sumo Sam...

is my little man.

Strong as an ox, you are. My strongest baby man by far.

Your birthday came and you turned 1, since then you've had just so much fun!

Walking, walking, on the move, you've got your sumo Sam man groove.

A bottle of milk you often covet, smacking your lips because you love it!

Quite a temper you have acquired, displaying it whenever you desire.

Mostly when big brother snatches, your wrath he then catches.

Sometimes cranky when your belly rumbles, you then let Mommy know with grumbles!

It's often a loud and short little bark, kind of a silly "arghk!"

Before you started your ambulating, you'd crawl like you were speed racing!

Sam, my Sam, my sweet, sweet boy... oh you bring me so much joy!

Sweet boy, the summer has come and gone. You've grown up so much...your babble has turned into words...MaMa, More, Milk, BaBa

Memories are like whisps of smoke....

curling through the air, disappearing slowly, softly...until only a fuzzy outline remains...

I remember when I was younger, I used to think I'd remember it all. I'd never forget anything! HA, I say. 5 kids and about a bazillion brain cells later...well, here we are. Mama is too tired to blog most of the time, never writes anything down and takes tons of pictures but never prints them or posts them anymore. Oops.

Brain, oh brain, please remember...

That I cried most of Sam's first birthday. I was so sad my baby was turning one. My sweet little bean was going to grow up and there was not a darn thing I could do to change it. And I knew he'd be my last, and, darnit! I might have wanted just ONE more...(or however many God would have given us.) Between my fits of crocodile tears, though, little man had a wonderful day, surrounded by Mommy & Daddy, all his sibs, Nana & Papa, Aunt Sam-Sam & the girls. He splashed in the pool, ate cupcakes and got SO much love!

That I cried for 3 nights in a row after we cut Max's hair. That I just couldn't even look at him for about 2 weeks...and then all of a sudden I realized that my sweet baby boy had come right on out of his shell! He started jabbering at warp speed, bouncing about like tigger, cutting me looks (a la' Charley) and being just down right "superboy!" Maybe, just maybe, he was a little bogged down by all that gorgeous hair. Not to mention, he LOVES his new do and is very happy to have Mommy "hawk" it with his very own Manly Hair Stuff.

The day that Charley & Eva and I stayed late at the waterslide pool and Charley took me to the top and made me watch her go down at least 20 times...waving at each turn of the slide every single time she rode it, making sure she had her nose pinched with her fingers (just in case a drop of water might splash up into one of those cute little nostrils.) And the sound of her laughter as I came flying down the slide into the pool...that shriek she just so happened to inherit from my Nana. As a matter of fact, I think Charley may be more like Nana than I'd noticed until now. Man, am I in for it!

The sadness I feel sometimes when I realize that precious time has slipped away, unnoticed and tossed in the wind. Time we'll never have again.

The joy that warms me when I see each of them sleeping, so peaceful and sweet. I just sat in front of Sam's crib tonight, watching him sleep and breathe. I could have sat there all night, gazing at his sweetness.

The tinge of sadness that comes over me when I watch Max and Mercy sleep, realizing that they sleep like big kids now. That soon the cribs will be gone and they will be big kids and I won't have "littles," just "bigs" and one "little."

The sheer joy in Charley's face and voice when I told her tomorrow was her first soccer practice...watch out sports world, here she comes!! How happy I am to know that I found her "thing."

Mercy praying, solemnly, hands folded before she eats..."Bless our hearts...food....Jesus name pray, Amen." (Her version of our grace. So sweet!) And no R's exist in her words yet, which I just love. The sweetest sound is your child learning to speak and the tiny nuances that make it unique and childlike.

Max...running off sentences...labeling everything he can think of. Nonchalantly answering my questions with "yes." "no." clear as a bell! (It sounds much cuter in person...)  I say Max....he says "Yehhhhssss?"

Eva...poised and confident in front of our entire homeschool group, giving a presentation on her namesake, my Grandma Eva.  My heart exploding with pride and love, sadness around the edges that her day and our extended family weren't hear to see her.

Sweet Sam fell asleep...

in my arms tonight. He gave me kisses, hugs, snuggles and love. He let me sing and stroke his hair, then let me rock him right to sleep. And we rocked & rocked and rocked. I'd still be rocking if the M-n-M's hadn't needed me to send them off to dreamland. My sweet boy hasn't given me that gift since he was still nursing.

God, you knew I needed that. Thank you, God. Because I really did.

Love,

Tiff