My blog posts lately have required a tissue and a dose of prozac, followed by a margarita, retail therapy and playing in traffic. SORRY! I have been in the dumps for a while and it has prompted a bit of blogging under the influence of moving/wine.
We're heading to Texas today. It's been a nice week here in HI, much better after starting a bit roughly. I don't know that I would recommend trying this while moving & with a baby, but we have had some fun! Yesterday we headed to the waterpark and our munchkins had a blast! Eva was quite upset this morning that we wouldn't be able to go back (until i told her about Schlitterbaun waterpark in Galveston and now she is perfectly fine.)
We'll still be traveling for the next few weeks, so blogging might be intermittent, but I promise to load up some pics of the mac midgets SOON.
luv to all,
tiff & co.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Thursday, May 17, 2007
I miss my dad.
It hit me today. I watched 3 or 4 solid hours of Desperate Housewives tonight. The mindless entertainment gave the wheels of my mind the time needed to turn and settle. Settle into the realization that I've left my home, my friends, my students, my safe place.
Lately I find myself oddly drawn to every bearded gray haired man i see, wishing in some recess of my mind that my Dad will appear in the distance, coming closer with each step, reaching in to envelope me in the only bear hug in the world that makes me feel truly safe. There was a time in my life when I felt I had no safe place to land, a time when my father was my safety net. I may be all grown up now and somewhere in my mind I know I will be okay, but it doesn't take away my need for that hug.
Poor evie. Lately she seems to get the brunt of my frustrations. My intuition tells me that she feels the same way I do, lost and adrift, but our similar personalities somehow set us further apart, rather than drawing us together. This frightens me more for the future than it does now. How do I find a way to reach her, to let her know that it's me she can turn to? Let her know that I understand and I want to be her safety net? I NEED this, I NEED to understand her. I love her so much that sometimes it hurts and I cannot for the life of me figure out how to communicate with her. Isn't there a book somewhere that I can read? I already know the answer to that question. If there was, we'd all be better parents, better children, better spouses. The book is me. My life. My thoughts, intuitions, fears, ideas, & hopes. Looking inside myself will help me find the answer to my most cherished accomplishment: my children.
I MISS MY FRIENDS. Annie, it does some like forever since I left and it hasn't even been a week. Leaving was never as hard as it was for me to get on that plane. & you can bet the farm I've left more places than I care to count.
Here's to every memory, good and bad. To each friend I was blessed with, every drop of rain, every humid day, every gestured conversation, every rollerslide, every grain of sand, every food court lunch, every gecko in my bed, every first friday, every music class and every moment with my babies & my amazing husband on my island oasis.
We start anew in sunny So Cal soon. I know I'll make the best of it, but pardon me my mourning for a few weeks more. I haven't read my doll yet, there isn't enough wine or kleenex in my hotel room.
Thanks for the love. Thanks for the memories. Just thanks. I love you all.
Dad, I could really use that hug now.
tiffers
Lately I find myself oddly drawn to every bearded gray haired man i see, wishing in some recess of my mind that my Dad will appear in the distance, coming closer with each step, reaching in to envelope me in the only bear hug in the world that makes me feel truly safe. There was a time in my life when I felt I had no safe place to land, a time when my father was my safety net. I may be all grown up now and somewhere in my mind I know I will be okay, but it doesn't take away my need for that hug.
Poor evie. Lately she seems to get the brunt of my frustrations. My intuition tells me that she feels the same way I do, lost and adrift, but our similar personalities somehow set us further apart, rather than drawing us together. This frightens me more for the future than it does now. How do I find a way to reach her, to let her know that it's me she can turn to? Let her know that I understand and I want to be her safety net? I NEED this, I NEED to understand her. I love her so much that sometimes it hurts and I cannot for the life of me figure out how to communicate with her. Isn't there a book somewhere that I can read? I already know the answer to that question. If there was, we'd all be better parents, better children, better spouses. The book is me. My life. My thoughts, intuitions, fears, ideas, & hopes. Looking inside myself will help me find the answer to my most cherished accomplishment: my children.
I MISS MY FRIENDS. Annie, it does some like forever since I left and it hasn't even been a week. Leaving was never as hard as it was for me to get on that plane. & you can bet the farm I've left more places than I care to count.
Here's to every memory, good and bad. To each friend I was blessed with, every drop of rain, every humid day, every gestured conversation, every rollerslide, every grain of sand, every food court lunch, every gecko in my bed, every first friday, every music class and every moment with my babies & my amazing husband on my island oasis.
We start anew in sunny So Cal soon. I know I'll make the best of it, but pardon me my mourning for a few weeks more. I haven't read my doll yet, there isn't enough wine or kleenex in my hotel room.
Thanks for the love. Thanks for the memories. Just thanks. I love you all.
Dad, I could really use that hug now.
tiffers
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