Memories are like whisps of smoke....

curling through the air, disappearing slowly, softly...until only a fuzzy outline remains...

I remember when I was younger, I used to think I'd remember it all. I'd never forget anything! HA, I say. 5 kids and about a bazillion brain cells later...well, here we are. Mama is too tired to blog most of the time, never writes anything down and takes tons of pictures but never prints them or posts them anymore. Oops.

Brain, oh brain, please remember...

That I cried most of Sam's first birthday. I was so sad my baby was turning one. My sweet little bean was going to grow up and there was not a darn thing I could do to change it. And I knew he'd be my last, and, darnit! I might have wanted just ONE more...(or however many God would have given us.) Between my fits of crocodile tears, though, little man had a wonderful day, surrounded by Mommy & Daddy, all his sibs, Nana & Papa, Aunt Sam-Sam & the girls. He splashed in the pool, ate cupcakes and got SO much love!

That I cried for 3 nights in a row after we cut Max's hair. That I just couldn't even look at him for about 2 weeks...and then all of a sudden I realized that my sweet baby boy had come right on out of his shell! He started jabbering at warp speed, bouncing about like tigger, cutting me looks (a la' Charley) and being just down right "superboy!" Maybe, just maybe, he was a little bogged down by all that gorgeous hair. Not to mention, he LOVES his new do and is very happy to have Mommy "hawk" it with his very own Manly Hair Stuff.

The day that Charley & Eva and I stayed late at the waterslide pool and Charley took me to the top and made me watch her go down at least 20 times...waving at each turn of the slide every single time she rode it, making sure she had her nose pinched with her fingers (just in case a drop of water might splash up into one of those cute little nostrils.) And the sound of her laughter as I came flying down the slide into the pool...that shriek she just so happened to inherit from my Nana. As a matter of fact, I think Charley may be more like Nana than I'd noticed until now. Man, am I in for it!

The sadness I feel sometimes when I realize that precious time has slipped away, unnoticed and tossed in the wind. Time we'll never have again.

The joy that warms me when I see each of them sleeping, so peaceful and sweet. I just sat in front of Sam's crib tonight, watching him sleep and breathe. I could have sat there all night, gazing at his sweetness.

The tinge of sadness that comes over me when I watch Max and Mercy sleep, realizing that they sleep like big kids now. That soon the cribs will be gone and they will be big kids and I won't have "littles," just "bigs" and one "little."

The sheer joy in Charley's face and voice when I told her tomorrow was her first soccer practice...watch out sports world, here she comes!! How happy I am to know that I found her "thing."

Mercy praying, solemnly, hands folded before she eats..."Bless our hearts...food....Jesus name pray, Amen." (Her version of our grace. So sweet!) And no R's exist in her words yet, which I just love. The sweetest sound is your child learning to speak and the tiny nuances that make it unique and childlike.

Max...running off sentences...labeling everything he can think of. Nonchalantly answering my questions with "yes." "no." clear as a bell! (It sounds much cuter in person...)  I say Max....he says "Yehhhhssss?"

Eva...poised and confident in front of our entire homeschool group, giving a presentation on her namesake, my Grandma Eva.  My heart exploding with pride and love, sadness around the edges that her day and our extended family weren't hear to see her.