and it's small! and it's white!
Mama's in the clean plate club...
Head on my shoulder, leaning into my arm, gentle touches and soft pats...
MOMMY! Are Nana and Papa going bye-bye's in our car?
MOMMY!! Are we painting our pumpkins today?
MOMMY! Are we going bye-bye's today? Are we going to a bouncy house today?
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Saturday, October 26, 2013
I cannot possibly make this stuff up...
EVER.
Mondays. are. stupid.
When I get to heaven, I'm going to have a good long talk with the Lord and tell Him that I think He should have just skipped right over day 1 and gone to day 2.
I am so not kidding.
I'll entertain you with the Monday before last, better known as...
HORRIBLE RED HALLOWEEN MAKE-UP DAY.
I bet you think there are pictures forthcoming. Nope. Not one. I was entirely too traumatized to even consider it.
For those of you that know me well, you are well aware that my sweet little children (or anyone for that matter) talking to me or expecting my attention first thing in the morning is essentially the same as the president pushing the little red button that sets off a nuclear holocaust...
Now, imagine that type of personality waking up to the following:
Red. Halloween. Makeup. ALL OVER MY TWINS. Smeared on their sheets, ground into the bath towels, swirled across the cabinets, dotted onto the CUSTOM MADE bedskirts and quilts, and finally, last but not least...ON THE FREAKING CARPET. IN MY HOUSE. RED HALLOWEEN MAKE-UP.
Oh, it gets better.
I will spare you the details of my reaction, lest one of you call CPS, and keep you distracted by the REST of the event.
Apparently Mercy & her loyal sidekick Max had awoken at TWO-THIRTY in the morning and had spent the 4 hours between that and 6:30 when I awoke to my own personal holocaust doing the following:
Stealing Eva's iPod and watching BRATZ on Netflix. (Truly, this was worse than the stupid make-up. Bratz are simply disgusting and make me vomit in my mouth just a little...)
Raiding the pantry for candy, eating it, leaving the wrappers and detritus ALL OVER THE BLOODY HOUSE...
Retrieving a step stool to get Eva's make-up and nail polish basket, then using ALL of it...
Conducting their own "School Day" with markers, paint, tape and glue...(I will say they actually did their letter activity...)
Pouring, then dumping under their beds, Cheerios.
Lollipop sticks STUCK to my carpet.
And, finally,
WAKING ME UP TO THIS.
Many loads of laundry, showers, carpet cleaning, vacuuming, sweeping, trash collecting, deep breathing exercises later...
I have realized that my child and her sidekick are frighteningly resourceful and bright and I am simply TERRIFED of the teenage years. And all the years in between...and after!
I told you I couldn't make this up.
Shall we move on to the following monday?
I was a little frustrated with my day. Well, let's be honest here...
My day was in the proverbial crapper.
So, I decide this would be a good time to take apart my nasty barstools to drop the cushions off to be cleaned, as I have reached my tolerance level for the nastiness factor. (That is an understatement. My level of Type A is probably in the DSM IV as certified lunacy...)
On my way there, I happen to get caught in the afternoon traffic of the high school letting out.
Take a moment here. Sit down. Do NOT eat anything before you read this, as you my spit it out or choke and I have no desire to be responsible for your mess and/or choking...
I'm just tooling along in my SO NOT COOL mom van, watching the traffic as all these kids try to figure out how to merge onto Queens Creek Rd.
Well, one IDIOT in particular decides to careen into the turn lane while HIS STUPID IDIOT PASSENGER is hanging out/sitting on passenger side window goofing off and yelling at the car behind him.
Uh, I think not.
So, what does this SO NOT COOL mom van driver do?
She stops traffic.
And yells at said STUPID IDIOT kid.
And the driver of STUPID IDIOT kid.
And the kid behind him.
What teenager thinks it would be wise to argue with a crazy lady driving a van with FIVE kids who stops traffic to yell at him & his friends?
That one. This leads me to my favorite part of this story.
When the stupid kid FINALLY shuts up and puts his seat belt on. After I've told him I can wait ALL DAY and that I'm not the least bit concerned about the traffic (including school buses) that is backed up to 24, he put his seat belt on.
And that was really all I wanted. Because that stupid boy has a mom, one who loves him. One who doesn't want to have a state trooper show up to tell her he isn't coming home.
SO, this crazy mom stopped traffic. And I'd do it again.
Mondays.
Dear God,
Please remove mondays from your schedule. They stress me out.
Love,
Crazy Clan Mac Mama
Mondays. are. stupid.
When I get to heaven, I'm going to have a good long talk with the Lord and tell Him that I think He should have just skipped right over day 1 and gone to day 2.
I am so not kidding.
I'll entertain you with the Monday before last, better known as...
HORRIBLE RED HALLOWEEN MAKE-UP DAY.
I bet you think there are pictures forthcoming. Nope. Not one. I was entirely too traumatized to even consider it.
For those of you that know me well, you are well aware that my sweet little children (or anyone for that matter) talking to me or expecting my attention first thing in the morning is essentially the same as the president pushing the little red button that sets off a nuclear holocaust...
Now, imagine that type of personality waking up to the following:
Red. Halloween. Makeup. ALL OVER MY TWINS. Smeared on their sheets, ground into the bath towels, swirled across the cabinets, dotted onto the CUSTOM MADE bedskirts and quilts, and finally, last but not least...ON THE FREAKING CARPET. IN MY HOUSE. RED HALLOWEEN MAKE-UP.
Oh, it gets better.
I will spare you the details of my reaction, lest one of you call CPS, and keep you distracted by the REST of the event.
Apparently Mercy & her loyal sidekick Max had awoken at TWO-THIRTY in the morning and had spent the 4 hours between that and 6:30 when I awoke to my own personal holocaust doing the following:
Stealing Eva's iPod and watching BRATZ on Netflix. (Truly, this was worse than the stupid make-up. Bratz are simply disgusting and make me vomit in my mouth just a little...)
Raiding the pantry for candy, eating it, leaving the wrappers and detritus ALL OVER THE BLOODY HOUSE...
Retrieving a step stool to get Eva's make-up and nail polish basket, then using ALL of it...
Conducting their own "School Day" with markers, paint, tape and glue...(I will say they actually did their letter activity...)
Pouring, then dumping under their beds, Cheerios.
Lollipop sticks STUCK to my carpet.
And, finally,
WAKING ME UP TO THIS.
Many loads of laundry, showers, carpet cleaning, vacuuming, sweeping, trash collecting, deep breathing exercises later...
I have realized that my child and her sidekick are frighteningly resourceful and bright and I am simply TERRIFED of the teenage years. And all the years in between...and after!
I told you I couldn't make this up.
Shall we move on to the following monday?
I was a little frustrated with my day. Well, let's be honest here...
My day was in the proverbial crapper.
So, I decide this would be a good time to take apart my nasty barstools to drop the cushions off to be cleaned, as I have reached my tolerance level for the nastiness factor. (That is an understatement. My level of Type A is probably in the DSM IV as certified lunacy...)
On my way there, I happen to get caught in the afternoon traffic of the high school letting out.
Take a moment here. Sit down. Do NOT eat anything before you read this, as you my spit it out or choke and I have no desire to be responsible for your mess and/or choking...
I'm just tooling along in my SO NOT COOL mom van, watching the traffic as all these kids try to figure out how to merge onto Queens Creek Rd.
Well, one IDIOT in particular decides to careen into the turn lane while HIS STUPID IDIOT PASSENGER is hanging out/sitting on passenger side window goofing off and yelling at the car behind him.
Uh, I think not.
So, what does this SO NOT COOL mom van driver do?
She stops traffic.
And yells at said STUPID IDIOT kid.
And the driver of STUPID IDIOT kid.
And the kid behind him.
What teenager thinks it would be wise to argue with a crazy lady driving a van with FIVE kids who stops traffic to yell at him & his friends?
That one. This leads me to my favorite part of this story.
When the stupid kid FINALLY shuts up and puts his seat belt on. After I've told him I can wait ALL DAY and that I'm not the least bit concerned about the traffic (including school buses) that is backed up to 24, he put his seat belt on.
And that was really all I wanted. Because that stupid boy has a mom, one who loves him. One who doesn't want to have a state trooper show up to tell her he isn't coming home.
SO, this crazy mom stopped traffic. And I'd do it again.
Mondays.
Dear God,
Please remove mondays from your schedule. They stress me out.
Love,
Crazy Clan Mac Mama
Friday, October 11, 2013
Dear Mom,
I know you think birthdays just aren't all that exciting anymore...Truthfully, you'd probably rather they not come at all. I know you feel that way, but...we don't.
We love your birthday. It reminds us every year of how grateful we are to have you as our Mom/Nanny. We love to celebrate and sing, eat cake with you and remember all the fun ways we have celebrated in years past...you know, like the year we surprised you with a huge party by Mark telling you he just had to go home because he had to POOP. I will never forget the look on your face or how much fun we had celebrating YOU.
Without you, Mom, there would be no us. No Mark, or Sam, or Me. No grandkids to love on, laugh at/with and spoil. There would be no late night kitchen therapy sessions, no marathon shopping days, no Disney memories (E rides & grandkids!,) no movie saturdays or pedicure trips, no Turkey day feasts with all the trimmings, (we'll just bypass the septic tank year in that memory....,) no Christmas rosettes or holly cookies, no tiny little Santa presents under our trees, no jingling of the sleigh bells as Santa rides away, (well...that was Dad, but I'm sure you were in on it!,) no Easter baskets overflowing with treats, no marathon pool days and crazy parties...
Without you, Mom, the world would be just. so. boring.
You are the glue, the sticky tac, the stitching...that which holds us all together.
For that, my Mama, I am just so thankful. I am thankful for all the memories, the laughter, the tears, the joys and sorrows, the good and the bad. I love you more than I can ever put into words.
You're the best, Mom and we wish we were there to see you cry while you read this. But...since I've been making you cry since 1971, I've got a pretty mental image of you right now. :-)
Happy Birthday to my....beautiful, amazing, wonderful, marvelous, fantastic, inspiring...
Mom.
We love you!!
Tiffers, Charles, Eva, Charley, Mercy, Max, & Sam
p.s. this just happens to be on my blog.... :-)
Tuesday, October 08, 2013
I am Abraham...
just a WHOLE LOT LESS PATIENT. Abraham got Isaac, I got Eva writing a paper JUST BECAUSE SHE FELT LIKE IT.
I think I win.
Seriously, if you had ANY clue what the last 3 years of our homeschool journey had entailed, you would agree.
Last year was 24 weeks of sheer grammar and writing torture for both of us. (No, I don't only do school for 24 weeks, that is how long our writing/grammar class lasts.) I was so exhausted by May that I just completely dropped my pack mid June and didn't TOUCH anything even remotely school related until we actually started school in late August. (This is NOT a wise idea...especially when adding 2 more pre-school students to your school on 2 days and 3 more on the other 2 days. And one of the 3 actually counts as an entire class of pre-schoolers with ADD on a sugar high..."*sigh* sweet Sam...)
Slight explanation...last year was our first year of Essentials, the writing class that is a part of our homeschool program. It is highly classical, challenging and time consuming. I cursed it every moment I could last year. And then...
My child went up EIGHT grade levels in reading comprehension last year. EIGHT. The tester re-checked the results twice.
EIGHT.
That is some serious validation.
THEN. School started again and the first week was great.
And week 2 stunk.
Week 3 made me drink a lot.
Week 4 made me want to play in traffic while drinking a lot.
Week 5 made me want to face plant in a dark chocolate factory while drinking more wine, playing in traffic and snorting caramel.
THEN.
We had our fall break. That stunk too.
Today, on the 2nd to last day before we start back from break, my child wrote an UNASSIGNED PAPER, using ridiculously cool vocab words, who/which clauses, prepositional phrases, www.asia.because.whatever clauses, narrative language and a whole bunch of other crap that I really didn't think she understood. Well, clearly she does!
And it was GOOD!!! (banned word. SHUT UP OTHER ESSENTIALS MOMMIES.)
In addition to said paper, the other kids mostly did school without me yelling, several cool art projects were produced, dinner was made and I didn't wreck it, my kids are clean and hell has not frozen over.
Oh, and Eva got her cast off!
In addition, we have not been late for church in about a month.
WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY FAMILY?????
I'm sure it will all fall apart first thing tomorrow, but it was great while it lasted!
Abraham, I know you got Isaac and and you were blessed with a great nation and all that jazz, but seriously? I win.
Jesus, you rock. Thanks for being faithful when I am such a loser.
Love,
clan mac mama
p.s. disclaimer about Essentials...anything with a 4th grader involving grammar and writing is torture. It was one of the best decisions our family has made educationally for Eva and I wouldn't change it if you paid me. Well, maybe if you paid me A LOT.
I think I win.
Seriously, if you had ANY clue what the last 3 years of our homeschool journey had entailed, you would agree.
Last year was 24 weeks of sheer grammar and writing torture for both of us. (No, I don't only do school for 24 weeks, that is how long our writing/grammar class lasts.) I was so exhausted by May that I just completely dropped my pack mid June and didn't TOUCH anything even remotely school related until we actually started school in late August. (This is NOT a wise idea...especially when adding 2 more pre-school students to your school on 2 days and 3 more on the other 2 days. And one of the 3 actually counts as an entire class of pre-schoolers with ADD on a sugar high..."*sigh* sweet Sam...)
Slight explanation...last year was our first year of Essentials, the writing class that is a part of our homeschool program. It is highly classical, challenging and time consuming. I cursed it every moment I could last year. And then...
My child went up EIGHT grade levels in reading comprehension last year. EIGHT. The tester re-checked the results twice.
EIGHT.
That is some serious validation.
THEN. School started again and the first week was great.
And week 2 stunk.
Week 3 made me drink a lot.
Week 4 made me want to play in traffic while drinking a lot.
Week 5 made me want to face plant in a dark chocolate factory while drinking more wine, playing in traffic and snorting caramel.
THEN.
We had our fall break. That stunk too.
Today, on the 2nd to last day before we start back from break, my child wrote an UNASSIGNED PAPER, using ridiculously cool vocab words, who/which clauses, prepositional phrases, www.asia.because.whatever clauses, narrative language and a whole bunch of other crap that I really didn't think she understood. Well, clearly she does!
And it was GOOD!!! (banned word. SHUT UP OTHER ESSENTIALS MOMMIES.)
In addition to said paper, the other kids mostly did school without me yelling, several cool art projects were produced, dinner was made and I didn't wreck it, my kids are clean and hell has not frozen over.
Oh, and Eva got her cast off!
In addition, we have not been late for church in about a month.
WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY FAMILY?????
I'm sure it will all fall apart first thing tomorrow, but it was great while it lasted!
Abraham, I know you got Isaac and and you were blessed with a great nation and all that jazz, but seriously? I win.
Jesus, you rock. Thanks for being faithful when I am such a loser.
Love,
clan mac mama
p.s. disclaimer about Essentials...anything with a 4th grader involving grammar and writing is torture. It was one of the best decisions our family has made educationally for Eva and I wouldn't change it if you paid me. Well, maybe if you paid me A LOT.
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