I dare say, I think lost my way...

for a bit.  That may be an understatement of tremendous proportions.
Cue the following scenario…
2 parents + 2 kids
2 parents + 2 kids + 2 in utero kids + 1 deployment + 1 promotion + 1 cross country move + 1 more baby + 1 house built + homeschooling + 1 more deployment + 1 husband going back to school + 1 mommy with stupid food allergies + a serious fall from faith and, well…
you get the picture.
It's been downright toilsome about these here parts.
I stupidly let my struggles become public knowledge and now I feel the heat of the eyes of the world upon me…

4 years of homeschooling.
4 years of trying to find my way.
4 years of feeling like a failure.
4 years of constantly feeling the need to defend our family & what we have chosen.
4 years of watching my marriage take a HUGE beating.
4 years of allowing the world and the people in it to dictate what my life should be.
Finally, finally, finally, I learned something drastically important.
It doesn't matter ONE BIT what the world thinks, what society says, what any single person says.  What matters is this.
God.
His will.
His path.
His love.
I don't care if my children can pass a test.  I don't care if my children can ride the bus. I don't care if my children are "socialized."  I care about their hearts, hearts that God has trusted me with…to nurture, to mold, to teach, to fill with compassion, empathy, knowledge, love, faith, joy and hope.
I never have been and never will be a "man-pleaser."  Maybe that is why God called our family to homeschool.  Maybe He called me because He knew I had a few that would need a different approach.  Maybe He called me because he needed to create in me a "clean heart," and this was His way of effecting that change.  Maybe He called me because He knew I just don't play well with others…(haha!) Honestly, I don't know and I don't care why He called me.  I just know He did.

Frankly, I am well aware that not everyone is called to this, just like not everyone is called to pastor, to teach, to build, to practice medicine, to make music,  to serve our country.  If we were all called to the exact same thing, the world would be a boring place indeed.  (My bad, we are in the process of trying to raise entire generations of children that have to BE IN EXACTLY THE SAME PLACE AS EVERYONE ELSE JUST WHEN THE GOVERNMENT SAYS THEY SHOULD BE.)  Society views our kids as their property and tells us that we have to answer to the collective for our parenting choices.  I call bullish*t!

Our children are the most precious gift we are given.  And they truly don't belong to us.  They belong to God, and are simply loaned to us by Him.  It is our God-given responsibility to ensure that we bring them up rooted firmly in faith, in Him, surrounded by love and grace.  Each child is created in God's own image, yet each of them is vastly different.  How we bring them up in His image is different for each and every one of us.  And that is perfectly all-right!  At what point are we going to stop defending our parenting choices and stand up for what we believe is right FOR OUR FAMILY?

Seriously, everyone in my family and Charles' family sends their kids to school.  I DON'T HAVE  A PROBLEM with that.  They are great kids with great parents who are doing exactly what they believe is right for THIER kids.  What I have a problem with is the constant need society as a whole feels to defend what we choose because we are so consumed with public opinion.  MOVE ON, people.

In short, I've let the devil lead me around by my nose for entirely too long, doubting the plans God has made for me and my little brood.  He has called me to it & He will equip me.

To each of you that has been a sounding board, therapist, prayer partner, etc…Thank you!  I'm just not one of those keep it closeted type of chicks, so I may have inadvertently said too much…  Oops.   No judging!

So, now that I've gotten that off my chest…

Carry on, my friends.
love,
clan mac mama






 

According to Sam, I'm now...

a Super & I've got BOOM power! (In his world, a "Super" is a superhero and we have all been assigned specific powers in his "Super" world.) BOOM, go clean your ROOM, you little terd!

According to Mercy…she would prefer a regular teacher because "it's not good that you yell." This is usually followed by her fawning all over me & telling me how much she loves me, how pretty I am and how much she misses me when I'm gone.  (As if that ever happens.  I homeschool & live in my pajamas.  Going out takes too much effort. HAHA.)

According to Max…he has no power, but he is a magical snowman named Olaf.

According to Charley…she is NEVER growing up & I am the BEST MOM EVER.  (I really am.  I let her wear train conductor striped overalls that are too short with random funky shirts & crazy big DC tennis shoes.  Top this with a baseball cap & you've got the cutest tomboy EVER.)

 According to Eva…well, she's 11 and I'm boring, so there is nothing to report here.  Actually, that is a big fat lie.  We are weird unsocialized homeschoolers, so she still thinks I'm cool, is obsessed with what fads were popular when I was her age, what a mullet looked like, why my mom wouldn't buy me parachute pants, what my favorite fad was AND she does think I'm pretty cool.

Finally, according to Mommy, these 2 are officially growing up too fast!  Where did the last 5 years go???