Especially this one, since I woke up crying AGAIN and just didn't want to get out of bed. But as I lay there, drifting in and out of sleep, I could hear the sounds of Charley & Max, dumping legos on the floor, inventing in their room, laughing as they enjoyed the freedom of a morning of mommy sleeping in.
When I was finally ready to make my way to the Keurig, I passed by the living room and was caught off guard by the sight of Charley's Bible and Community Bible Study workbook open on the floor. Now, mind you, that sweet child loves her some Jesus & studying His Word, but most mornings, like any other homeschooled, bookworm 9 year old, she is off in la-la land with her current favored book. THEN, I happened to hop on Facebook while drinking my coffee and this is what I saw...
And this was my encouragement this morning from a sweet friend who gave me a special cross and verse based daily blessings to go with it...
Tiffany, you can teach God's great truths to people who are able to pass them on to others.
-inspired by 2 Timothy 2:2
In Paul's letters to Timothy, this is what he actually said:
You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others.
2 Timothy 2:1-2
I am uniquely qualified to teach MY children. To lead them to Christ. To teach them to teach others. And when I am so often plagued by my perceptions of failure, sadness, doubt and insecurity, and most heavily of all, grief, HE relieves my afflictions.
HE stirs in the heart of my children the seeds Charles and I have planted. The seeds that every other believer who has invested their love, time and hearts into my children, all FIVE of them, He has and is watering those seeds.
And He is calling me to water the seeds He planted when Mercy & Sammy went home to Jesus. This is my answer. To keep writing, to keep sharing my heart and to share our journey.
I'll be honest-I haven't published anything recently because a seed of doubt had taken root, watered by opinions and discomfort. Then, in true Sovereign God fashion, the encouragement started rolling in-texts, facebook messages, treasured wise women stopping me and telling me to keep writing, keep letting Him lead and keep fanning the flames of the presence of God that engulfed that day when we laid our precious babies to rest.
And there is no "I" in that mission. There is no "I" in what He will put on my heart to share, in how to serve, in the ultimate goal to bring good from what was intended by the enemy for evil. There is only HE. "I" am not the writer, "I" am not strong, "I" am weak, broken, grief stricken and overwhelmed.
HE is the writer of my story, He is the author of my life. Of every life He creates, He is the author and perfecter of our journey. And he uniquely equipped each one of us to travel the path we call our lives.
But-and there's always a but-we have to choose Him, choose JOY, choose HIS way. Because without it, we stumble, we grope, we flail about, certain of our SELF sufficiency while we fail miserably in our insufficiency.
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
And then there is pr"I"de.
Snarky little thing, it is.
It's often said that money or the pursuit of wealth is the root of evil. I beg to differ, my friends.
I'd argue that it's pride.
And that nasty, icky, sneaky fog of judgement that comes with it.
Pride manifests itself through so many avenues. Ways most of us never even recognize. And I'm guilty of it every. single. day. Probably every hour.
Facebook is filled with it. So is the internet, the news media, books, magazines, newspapers, blogs...you name it. PRIDE is everywhere.
Let me tell you about my pride now.
It's still there. But it's a whole lot smaller. Like a raisin in the sun, it is shriveling and shrinking, moment by moment. Losing 2 of your most precious blessings in a split second, then having to literally rely on the grace and provision of others to physically, emotionally and spiritually carry you through is quite possibly the most humbling experience of a lifetime.
This season of grief, the summer of sadness was characterized most notably by this...
When we were hungry, we were fed.
When we needed rest, we were given shelter.
When we needed an ear, we were given compassion.
When we needed time, others cared for our children.
When we needed encouragement, He sent the Holy Spirit to give it-in too many ways for me to even count.
When we needed spiritual food, He fed us.
And you know what I learned?
I CANNOT, in my own strength, be the child of God He created and planned a life for.
There is no room for pride, self sufficiency or judgement.
So leave it at the door, my friends. I promise you, you won't regret it.
Pride goes before destruction,
a haughty spirit before a fall.
Proverbs 16:18
Gracious words are a honeycomb,
sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
Proverbs 16:24
What started as a day filled with tears has become a bright and sunny morning, filled with HIS promises and the beauty of HIS story beginning again.
As my sweet mutually grieving friend, Cassie, at www.bleepingamazing.com says...
Find the amazing. Sleep. Repeat.
HE is the amazing.
By His Grace & with my love,
clan mac mama
