As for those other clan mac beans...

I honestly can't say I know where to begin with the bigs and the littles. Life has been so crazy that blogging and every other form of keeping up with my family has been pitched aside. So I'll do my best to sum it up...

Eva...
What a big girl I've got! She is so articulate, helpful, kind and empathetic. (most of the time...) She loves to help me, adores her playtime with friends, is reading like a champ, loves gymnastics and her riding lessons and is truly and genuinely excited about the 3 biggest clan mac events on the horizon: baby five, homeschooling and moving into our very own house. She has grown up so much this year and it amazes me every day what she is capable of and how much she is willing to learn if I just take the time to teach her.
Fave things of late...
jamming to her ipod
entertaining and tickling the M-n-M's
"directing" playtime with Charley (which usually results in screaming and MOMMMMMMM...)
hand games and rhymes (think Miss Mary Mack Mack Mack and the like. Which I STILL remember!)
Anticipating our visit up north while Daddy moves us into the new house!
And finally, counting the days until summer is here!


Charley...
Talk about a 4 year old. Kristina knows what I mean.... Stubborn, tenacious, sassy, "hard of hearing" (well, selective hearing,) too smart for her own britches, enamored of her best pal Hailey...
and beyond sweet with her kisses and hugs for every member of this clan. There is NO bossing this 4 year old around. Since my last Charley related post, she has figured out more of the electronics, taken to ignoring me when I speak, decided that screaming AHHHHHHHHHHHHH is the way to solve all issues and has grown like a weed. She shocked the poop out of me by demonstrating the ability to write her alphabet yesterday (without help or visual reference,) which she followed by a tantrum over the fact that I would not let her play a game on my computer. She completely and utterly adores her siblings and would be content to do nothing but play with them all day. As a matter of fact, I don't know what I'd do without her! She keeps Max and Mercy happy so Mommy can be the slave. :-) She had a wonderful party with her fave people here and was overjoyed to receive many car related gifts. I gave her a boy name and apparently that comes with a vested interest in boy toys. Oh, and building blocks, puzzles and legos. Future engineer or Nascar driver?


Mercy...Ah, the littlest diva. What can you say about such a tiny little person who rules the entire roost? I'll sum it up in just a few words....
dance baby dance!
THAT IS MINE!
snuggle me...please :-)
give me kisses!
WHERE is my MILK?
Can't you tell I'm HUNGRY?
What do you mean I'm messy? This food doesn't belong all over my shirt, the floor and under my butt?
oh, you were playing with that? I didn't notice when I yanked it out of your hands. oops. :-)
Mommy, what is that on top of your head? Here, let me grab 2 handfuls of your hair and yank your head down so I can see. Oh, and while I'm at it, let me grab your eyelashes and stick my fingers up your nose. Aren't I cute?
And finally....
Oh, that looks dangerous. Here Max, let me figure it out and then I'll show you too!!!!



Max...
Mighty Max
Little Linebacker
Itty Bitty Al
Super Sheepdog, ready to fly away at a moment's notice with his hairwings.
Truly, I have never seen a 1 year old boy built this way. His shoulders are ridiculous, his legs and arms are like trunks, his butt looks like he's been doing squats since the womb, and his lips? Angelina Jolie could be jealous.

Summing it up for the man...
I don't like that. I don't care if I've eaten it before, I don't care how long it took you to make it and I don't care if Mercy is eating it. If it's not sweet, fruity, perfect consistency and NOT green, I am most certainly NOT letting it past my adorable lips.
Is that soft? Can I have it? Can I throw it on the floor, then throw myself on it and then rub my sweet little face in it? Thanks!! That is my second fave thing to do.
My first fave thing is: running at full speed into the end of my crib with my head. I've now moved on to trying it out with walls AND putting myself in downward dog while I whack my head on the ground. Mind you, I laugh maniacally while doing these things.
I also think I am very funny when I run around like a maniac weeble wobble with my hands straight above my head.
AS a matter of FACT, I just think I am darn funny. I kill myself! I should be in a room with an audience of me clones...the laughter would NEVER stop!
If it can fit in my mouth, I WILL eat it. If I can shove the whole thing in there, even better. That lego tasted darn good and so do those puzzle pieces! Why don't you serve THOSE for dinner, MOM?
And finally,
I love my Dad. He's the best. AND he's my fave person on the planet. (next to my stuffed blue dog.)

As for me? Pregnant, tired, ready to move and ready to meet five.
As for my better half? Tired, tired of me being pregnant, ready to move and ready to meet five.
For both of us? Amazed at our chaos, our family and our amazing kids. God is Good!

And so we wait.

For our little man. No test results have given us any indication of a reason for the polyhydramnios. I've seen both my doctors and they've agreed upon June 4 as an induction date, barring any other developments. Today I learned that my little man had a few soft markers for down's syndrome at my 20 week anatomy scan, but that they seem to have resolved. After a bit of googling, I decided I just wasn't going to read any more. I need to remember my pledge to have faith and wait for God to reveal his plan for our family and this child.
The waiting just sucks. 2 more weeks. Pray for the time to fly and our positive resolve to remain strong.
I promise to post some fun pics and anecdotes about the 4 bigger mini macs soon!
Thanks to all of you for your thoughtful calls, emails, prayers and comments. They have made a huge impact on our family and our hearts.
Love to all,
Clan Mac Mama + 1

Trust is a funny thing...

and I often find myself having the least amount of trust where I should have the most. NOOOO....I am not talking about my sweet hubby, that is just a given. :-) I am talking about trust in God, the ultimate source of all that is right, all that is comforting, all that we are blessed with as a family.
This latest little crisis with five has helped me turn a corner, reach a peace, find my center again. Thursday was awful after we left the doctor's office. I felt overwhelmed, discouraged, scared, angry, sad. So many things. Determined not to raise the alarm, I was only going to talk to my Moms & a few friends about what was going on. Well, as I sat on the couch late into the night, watching my shows and feeling my little man flip, twist and try to eviscerate my internal parts...I had a bit of a light bulb moment. That little sh*t with the horns was sitting directly on my shoulder, filling me with doubt, sadness and every one of those fears that was propelling my tears. Well! You all know how I hate being told what to do, so I just turned a bit, flicked that little sh*t off my shoulder and decided that the only person who could tell me what to do was telling me. He was whispering it in my ear. Faith. Have Faith. Trust in Me. Believe in Me. Know Me.

So here's what I did. I asked my Moms to pray for us. I posted it here. I posted it on facebook. And I'm going to tell everyone I can think of. I'm going to spread it near and far, widely disseminating our need for prayer. Because if I do, if I trust in Him, willingly accept whatever He thinks our family can handle, then we can. We can handle it. Through Him, in Him, with Him.

And I feel at peace. I sleep at night. I don't have dreams of what might be. (I do dream about water and pressure, then wake up and realize it's just me having to pee AGAIN...)
Am I still nervous? Yep. Am I still filled with questions? You betcha. Do I still feel like my life is about to implode? Nope. Because I know this. If He takes you to it, He will lead you through it. (Thanks Kristin!)

So, please keep praying. Please keep us in your hearts. Please cover us with all of the faith we need. It gives us peace.

And the biggest thank you's in all of this go to my husband, who has not wavered once in his faith that we can handle whatever God sends our way. To my Moms, who have lifted us up in prayer and in faith that our son will be just fine. And to my friend Kristin, whose blog about her adoptions and her faith journey reminded me that I need to walk with God, not just occasionally drop in for a visit.
And finally, to that little sh*t, for sitting on my shoulder and thinking he could tell me what to do. You little idiot. If you knew anything at all about me (as my God does,) you'd know better! Ha Ha Ha Ha. God WINS again!!!!!

What our family needs right now is,

prayer.
I had no intentions of posting this or sharing this news. I expressed to both my Mom & Mom in law today that I didn't really want to share this with anyone, that I really just needed them to put their prayer warrior hats on and get that pipeline to God moving. And then I realized that if I don't share it, I don't get all of those prayers that I know we need right now.
I found out monday that I have polyhydramnios. (In a nutshell, too much amniotic fluid.) The cause is as yet unknown, pending some tests I've had and will have tomorrow. We are praying mightily that the cause lies with me and not our little bean. Without getting into details, there are many possible causes for this condition, some that stem from me and some from the baby. And then there are those that have no reason at all (idiopathic.) If my test results are negative, we will have to wait for my little man's birth to ensure that he is ok. So, for the first time ever in my life, I am praying hard for something to be wrong with me. Just me. Not our baby, my little bean, my five.
Please understand if I don't want to talk to much about this. I have to figure out how to get through the next few weeks until they induce me without thinking about this every second of every day. Please just put us in your prayers and send all of the positive thoughts you can our way. Please. Just pray.

With all of our love,
the clan mac

Dear Mom,

Mom and her girls

I never knew, until Eva was born, how much you loved me. I never knew, until she went off to her first day of school, how scared you felt when it was my first day. I never knew, until I had Charley, that all that fear I felt about loving the 2nd as much as the 1st was just silly. I never knew, until I had Max & Mercy, that I could have enough room in my heart for them too.
There is so much I never knew. And so much more that I am grateful for. And so much more I have to learn. And so much I can learn just from being your daughter.
My Mom gives of herself even when she has nothing left to give.
My Mom supports me, listens to me, tells me the way it is.
My Mom makes my kids feel like they are the utter and absolute center of her universe. Just like she made me feel when I was growing up.
My Mom always makes me feel like I can do "it," whatever "it" is.
My Mom accepts me. For me. Loves me the way I am.
My Mom drops everything when her kids need her.
My Mom dropped everything when her Mom needed her. And showed my siblings and I what it truly means to unconditionally love your family. In a way that words cannot describe, but that my heart knows is utterly amazing.
My Mom means more to me than I could ever tell her.
She is my rock.
She is my friend.
She is my counselor.
She is my Mom.
And on this day, like every day, I am blessed. I am grateful. I am loved.
By my one, my only, my best. Mom.

I love you so much Mom! Happy Mother's Day!!

Nana and her girls!

This is usually what happens on holidays. My Mom cooks and we act like idiots. :-)

Nana and my girls after a very successful egg hunt!

Nana and Charley searching for more loot!

Charley Mac turned four today!

She celebrated with lots of play!
First morning gifts and cards to open,
For many presents she was a-hopin.'
A taste of the sky, a run in the rain,

This joy, I pray, will never wane.
If you need proof that God exists,
Just witness this child's pure bliss.
A date to play with 2 great friends,
A day of fun she hopes never ends.
Toys cars, a movie, some bendaroos,
a watch, flip flops, pretty charms too!
We capped her day with chick fil-a,
favorite chicken, ice cream and lots more play! Surrounded by mini macs and big sis Eva,
She's such a sweet lil' girl, never a diva!
Happy Birthday, my bean. My little sidekick.
My days with you are always a kick!
I'm 4 today, you said with pride,
it made my heart swell just like the tide.
I'm almost grown up! You said to Grandpa,
Tearing the heart right out of your Ma!
Happy Birthday to you, Charley Anne,
Love your Mama, your biggest fan!