Your little heart would be so broken today. To see how much we have been struggling, how far we've drifted from each other, from Jesus, from who God created us to be.
Year 4 without you has just sucked. I feel like we've lived in some kind of weird vacuum, devoid of feeling, faith, and connection.
So, today on your birthday, my gift to you is this-
I renew my promise to honor God with how I live and I love, with the words I write, and in all that I do throughout each and every day.
I promise to make Year 5 of you at home with Jesus one that reminds me every day of the joy that you and Mercy wove into our family.
I promise to look at your pictures every day instead of hiding away from them.
I promise to sit with my Bible every morning, like I did when you were with me. And I'll pretend that you are snuggled in right beside me, trying SO hard to quietly read your Bible when all you really want to do is talk to me and ask me a million questions.
I promise to find joy and laughter and light in the adventures we have as a family, carrying you and Mercy in my heart everywhere we go.
I promise to be the mama to Eva, Charley and Max that I was before you and Mercy ran ahead to Heaven, hiding God's Word in their hearts each and every day.
I promise to honor Daddy and be the Proverbs 31 wife and mama he deserves.
Today, my beautiful son, we WILL celebrate you! We're going to look at your pictures and laugh at your videos, especially the ones where you act like a turkey and throw a fit. We're going to the pool and the Sweet Spot, we'll ride our bikes, we might fly a kite and we definitely won't be playing miniature golf or going bowling, since you pretty much hated both of those because you couldn't win. And Monopoly is also off the table, since throwing your cards when you didn't win that was quid pro quo. Sweet child-you make me laugh just thinking of all the ways your giant personality invaded our family.
4 years ago today, I held you on your birthday for the last time, blissfully unaware that a mere 6 days later you'd be with our Savior. I hold on tightly to that day, the memory of your sweet voice, your hands on my face and your little legs wrapped around my waist as I snuggled you so close on that morning, answering all your questions.
I love you, little man. I miss you beyond infinity.
And my last promise to you is this.
I will choose joy.
Through the praise of children and infants
you have established a stronghold against your enemies,
to silence the foe and the avenger.
Psalm 8:3
I will choose Christ over the snares of the enemy.
I will choose to love with abandon in the way both you & Mercy did.
Every. single. day.
Happy Birthday, my pocket baby.
all my love,
mama
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