Watching the world continue to spin...

despite the joyless pit I'm in.
Those around move on with their days,
as I'm reminded in too many ways,
that MY days will forever feel wrong,
and my time till I see them again too long.
My heart is fractured and filled with pain,
although-my loss is Heaven's gain.
Watching the dreams of other's fulfilled,
observing how their lives they will build,
crushes and tramples the shards of my life,
each breathe I take like a plunging knife.
So often I must be reminded to breathe,
I suck the air in with a sigh and a heave.
Smiling and small talk don't come with ease,
the need to see me ok I simply cannot appease.
The journey of life that once looked so bright,
no longer fills my heart with delight.
The rest and respite I desperately seek,
often elude as tears from my eyes do leak.
The laughter and camaraderie has left my home,
so often my sweet beans feel all alone.
In the night I woke to the sound of sweet Max,
"Mama, can I sleep with you?" he asked.  
Never once in the years since he came to be,
did he ever need to sleep with me.
From the moment he was knit in my womb,
2 lives were linked as yarn on a loom.
Now the yarn is split and frayed,
without his twin he will spend his days.
Sweet Charley wanders, unsure what to do,
missing sweet Sammy & Mercy too.
The little mommy that dwelled in Eva Grace,
longs to see each little face,
of the babes she helped to love and raise,
the hurt in her heart a filmy haze.
Each day I beseech the One whom I trust,
to patch their hearts, I insist He must!
For never will those holes be filled,
but for the leaks, dams only He can build.

…dams. only. He. can. build.