My arms simply ache-

to hold them.
Im consumed by a burning desire to read them a book, sing them a song, brush their hair back, clip their little nails, hear their giggles and sweet voices…
but I can't even look at their pictures.
But I SO desperately want to. NEED to.  
I want to sit and watch every video, look at every picture, touch every single thing they laid their little hands on.
I'm just terrified that it will cripple me and I'll simply never get up.
Most days I don't want to get up.
But I do.
I. just. don't. want. to.

What I want is simple.
To hold them.
And I can't.
Not this side of heaven- and lately, not even in my dreams.
Sweet Jesus- please, oh please, let me see them in my dreams.  

But more than that, Lord, please carry me, hold me, strengthen me.
I know there will only be one set of Footprints for
a
very
long
time.

Praise the Lord, praise God our Savior!
For each day He carries us in His arms. 
Psalm 68:19

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me 
all the days of my life, 
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord 
forever.  
Psalm 23:6

With Mercy, with Sam, with each one of my loved and cherished ones.

For we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.  
2 Corinthians 4:18

Thank you, my sweet sister Sam, for that reminder.  For the nudge to remember that this life is but a blip and what I can no longer see or touch is waiting for me on the other side of eternity…

For now I'll just beg for dreams-

love,
clan mac mama