love travels

i'm sitting in my parents kitchen, surrounded by my kids, my nieces, my mom & dad and a LOT of chaos. it is the best place to be. the only thing missing is the men. Charles, Terry and Markie. WE MISS YOU!
this time here has gone an awfully long way toward helping me learn to deal with the loss of my little one. i was doing fairly well until today. i spoke with my doctor today, who had the results of my genetic testing. i think it may have been easier if i had just blindly gone on thinking that something had to have been wrong for this to happen. turns out i was wrong. he was perfect, normal. i'm trying awfully hard to convince myself that it is beyond my control, that it is God's will, that I WILL get to have another baby. i guess i just need time.
my family has been amazingly loving, giving and helpful in this time. I cannot imagine life without their love and support. eva and charley have had a fantastic time, i have enjoyed every moment with them. i've been lucky enough to visit with my extended family as well as my friends from oki and from here. THANKS so much to angi, debbi & michelle for driving out to visit. my connection to each of you has not diminished one iota and i so miss you!
i've learned something else from this visit. life is not about what happens to you, it is about how you choose to live with it. every one of us has a moment or a situation that seems unbearable. just a few minutes ago, i had the thought that i just had to wake up soon, that this couldn't be my life. then i realized that i just have to be thankful, i have to be grateful, i have to appreciate each and every part of my life. the good and the bad. i have the 2 most amazing children and a husband so incredible i often wonder how on earth i could have landed him.
so i guess it all boils down to time. it's what i need to heal and what i need to realize my dream of more children. thanks to you all for your love, support, kind words and most of all, the gift of your time.
luv,
tiff