Just so all of our loyal followers know...This is not a post from my loving wife Tiff. So do not expect to read a witty, funny, or bring a tear to your eyes posting. Tiff is the writer in the family not dear old Dad. So now that the disclaimer is out of the way... I just wanted to post out here how proud I am as a husband and father. Ever since we decided to take this journey of home schooling our Mini Macs through Classical Conversations, a little part of me has always harbored resistance to the idea. But after seeing our two eldest lil angels up on that stage last night at the Classical Conversations year end presentations, that last bit of resistance was effectively squashed. To see my lil Charley bean who all evening long, including before we left the house, was saying that she did not want to get up on the stage...To see her right out in front of her class during their presentation just filled me with a sense of pride and joy. And to see Eva up their as the spokesperson for her class, giving the introduction for her class on what they learned during the year in geography had me bursting with pride and joy. It was amazing to see my 8 year old up there not afraid one bit to speak in front of a large group of people, to take the lead for her class. And I would never have been able to see them do this if wasn't for Tiff. She has known all along that she wanted to home school our kids. She has been the driving force behind their education and has done a tremendous job this year. It may not have always been easy, but she has stuck with her dedication and her efforts. And seeing our lil ones up there last night just reinforces in me that home schooling was the route to take for our family. Now I just have to figure out how to finish the upstairs so that Tiff and the kids can have a dedicated space for home schooling. I Love Ya Tiff!

Moments to love...

from the last few months of clan mac chaos!

Max and Mercy holding hands as they play outside, taking a stroll...

Sam sitting up!

The first time Mercy uttered my favorite words...I Love You Mama...which she then taught to her sweet brother...sometime in February. How perfect!

Mercy talking a blue streak...and I can understand!

Max gibbering at me with such an earnest look on his face that I must decipher what he says, even if it takes all day.

Sam grabbing my face with BOTH hands and planting the sloppiest of baby kisses...sometime in February. How perfect...again!!

Walking in the door to see my son with a ponytail sticking off the top of his head...the poor dude couldn't see through his bangs anymore and kept tripping. Thus the ponytail crafted by our fave 3rd parent...Becca.

Watching Secretariat with my Big Beans on a rainy afternoon...yelling at the TV and jumping up and down when he wins!

Seeing the look on the my doctor's face when he asked if I enjoyed the drive down to Wilmington without the kiddos and I said...
"Well, when Mercy handed me her poop yesterday, I decided I just couldn't wait to get here!"

Chalk Art in the driveway on those (finally) sunny days!

My heart swelling with pride when my 8 year old gave a presentation on our family Mission project at school... in front of over 100 people!

Days that Mercy leaves her diaper on with it's contents intact.

Discovering that Charley is starting to read!

Listening to Eva learn to play the piano!

Hearing Mercy try to sing our "school."

Seeing Sam with a toothy grin, thanks to his first 2 teeth, who made their appearance as a duo in early March...

Sweet kisses between tantrums from my Charley bean...

Watching the same Charley bean deciphering words...



AND...Remembering that these are the little years. Figuring out ways to love them. And being so grateful that I accidentally got 5 instead of 3. :-0

I live for...

little moments like that....
You know that country song? Sing it just a bit for me. Then read all about the moments whose time and date escapes me, but whose details, praise the Lord, don't.

Sam sat up, now he sits...and he rolls...and he scooches a bit. He has this hysterical method of rolling his fat little body from side to side with his giantly cloth diapered butt high in the air as he tries mightily to reach whatever object is just outside his little stratosphere...It's almost like a crippled caterpillar. HA, I love baby ingenuity! His appetite is epic for this family of light eaters (save for Charley,) his demeanor beyond sweet, and his presence in our family? Precious! So very precious.

He's my last sweet, snuggly, smooshy, smunchy baby. And my bigs are getting so much bigger...I'll blink and before I know it, they'll be grown and I'll wonder where all the time has gone.

And then I'll look at pictures and read this silly blog...and I"ll remember.

Love,
The Mommy

So many moments...

so little time to remember them. :-(

And life is just whizzing by here in our maniacal mac clan...

Sam is almost 10 months old....
Max and Mercy talk, listen when it strikes their fancy, demand with clarity and just generally aren't even remotely babies anymore.
Charley...well she talks like a 20 year old and behaves like a 2 year old.
Eva? Chapter books, spa parties, mommying to her sibs and helping her mommy. (all the time...what a gift she is.)

I had a funny chat with a friend last night, during which we were discussing issues with finding specialist doc care for kiddos in a military town. I recalled my ease in finding a pediatric ortho doc to look at Mercy when she was doing something odd when she walked...I couldn't for the life of me recall if it was walking like a duck or walking on her toes. Well, my good friend remembered it in detail...So I decided then and there that I should stop trying to recall every little thing and record it and simply pass my kids baby books around (well...if they all had them, not just the first 2) and let my "village" fill it in.
So here is my request of all of you that get to see my kiddos grow up...if you remember something, anything....even just a smidget of info that I can pretend I remember, would you just shoot me a little reminder so I can then copy and paste it to this blog, change it up a bit and pretend I actually wrote it down? Thanks so much. It will save me thousands in therapy bills when they are older. Or not. They'll probably read this post and realize I just made it all up.

Seriously. It's time to move on to what I actually do remember...

Sam...
He sits, he rolls, he eats, he laughs like a maniac, babbles a blue streak, smiles so big you think your heart will just burst with love every time you see it, he chews...on anything he stuff into his mouth (still no sign of any toothers though!)
He adores his sibs, cannot stand to be left alone (he is so unused to quiet and alone time that he just doesn't know how to act when it happens...).
He lives for the snuggles and sleeps like a bear.

And that about covers it for today's memory cells...

Love,
Clan Mac Mama

Watching my son sleep...

is poetic and joyful, soft and sweet. An image burned like a brand in my mind until I'm no longer.
When my sweet Sam is so tired, I lay him on his back for one last grin and big slobbery kiss...
then I heft him over (he is a bit BIG...)
He stretches his whole body out, face down, arms extended, butt in the air...
then rubs his soft smooshy little face back and forth, back and forth...
all the while softly squinching his chubby little hands over and over on the chamois sheet...
sometimes he reaches out for his mi mi, popping it into his mouth...
mostly he just drops right off the planet...peaceful and quiet.
The most beautiful sight I have ever seen.

Attempting to avoid status updates...

and start more blogging again, so here I am. A quick note...
SO.
This week just seems to be the yin/yang of life. A fabulous help has been dropped on my family from above and without her I just don't think I'd be able to make it through my weeks. On the flip side, I'm not reacting well to the new meds and think I may have to drop them. Crap...looney lady may be making a comeback. Pray she stays in the proverbial box and we get this worked out. :-) I've also got a few sick little kiddos who have needed WAY more attention than normal and nights here just have Charles and I looking at each other and communicating telepathically....
CALGON TAKE ME AWAY.
Seriously, the crying was so ridiculous the last few evenings that I really just had to laugh. It was like I was right in the middle of some birth control ad to scare errant teens into abstaining...for the REST of their lives.
Back on the other blessing side...an opportunity to help out another homeschooling family just dropped into my lap and the way it all worked out? Totally a God thing.
SO. Today. The first school day of our new year, Clan Mac version 5.0, and I get to go with just the bigs. What a rare treat that is. :-)
Cheers everyone, and here's to REALLY trying to always look on the bright side. (Jeepers, if I didn't, I'd spend my days wallowing and looking at vacation homes. With only ONE bedroom.)

Hope your day rocks!
Tiff

Better times are comin' our way...

What is it about the New Year that makes us want to reinvent ourselves? That makes us set new goals, make resolutions, promises to ourselves and others? Ok, so 531 years ago, did some smelly renaissance man decide that he wanted to reinvent himself to win over the love of an equally smelly renaissance woman? And did he just so happen to do it on Jan 1? SO, maybe he won the love of the woman, told his friends...who told their friends...and, well you know how it goes. And here we are, some 532 years later, using the Gregorian Calendar date of Jan 1 every year to decide that, WELL, I've completely screwed up last year, so this year I'll try REALLY hard to be a brand spankin' shiny 5.0 version of myself.

And well. THAT is what I'm doing this year.

Technically, I didn't completely screw up the last year. I had a great kid, built a great house, started a great homeschool and set down roots in a great little town. I did, however, hit a wall going about 90 miles an hour a couple of months ago...which resulted in a pretty major "yep, you guessed it I'm really a lunatic..." meltdown the likes of which I have not had in a pretty long darn time. Some of you know, some of you don't, but now you all do. I'm Bipolar. Nuts, looney tunes, wacko. NO, I am not like Richard Gear in that movie, I DO NOT think I can EVER fly. But yes, I do have a certifiable DSM IV actual mental wackiness that sometimes needs a pretty major tune up. I've known most of my life that something wasn't quite right, I mean who REALLY needs all those shoes, categorized by color, heel height and season...and completely loses it when someone edges one out of place? Seriously, that's not really how it is. (well, I am like that but it's just because my Mom made me that way. LOL love ya Mom.) BUT, I have known it was something that made me different, something that wasn't "like all the others..." as my fave sesame street puppets would say. Well, my aha moment was about 11 years ago when I read a book called The Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jameson. And it was like reading a book someone wrote about Me, without ever knowing Me. And it wasn't about Me. But it was about somebody like me. And my doctors told Me that I was like Her. I was Bipolar I with rapid cycling. Ok, so I cried. And I'm sure you are all thinking, "well, gee I'd be sad too if they said I was a nut job." Got news for ya. They were actually tears of joy. You try spending 29 years not knowing what the bloody blazes is wrong with you and then finding out it's something as simple as that. Something they can treat, something that makes me just wacky enough to be memorable, something that OTHER PEOPLE HAVE TOO.

SO, fast forward about 11 years later. Most of the last 9 have been pretty even. Pregnancy and nursing seems to make me sorta happy. (THAT is scary.) So, since I've been knocked up much of the last 8 years, it has helped me stay (sorta) sane. BUT, I've kind of been riding the waves since mid 2007, not very well, I might add, and this year it all blew up right in my proverbial face. I guess all the stress of the last 2 years and mostly the last year really just hit all at one time and I smashed into that wall going 90 miles an hour HARD.

So, my husband handled it like he was in the middle of a war zone. (Which, technically I guess he was.) Cool, amazing, (mostly) calm, loving, kind, giving, really, I could go ON and ON. He is such my eternal gift from my creator. My kids were marvelous. And forgiving. And a beautiful reminder that I matter, am needed and looked up to. My family was kind, generous, supportive and just generally awesome. Thanks Mom for the ear, Dad for the calls just "to check on the kids," Sam for the advice, Mark for being so excited to see us that it just made me smile through the tears and Susan & Al for riding in to give our kids some much needed one on one time and some real homecooked food.

I have to admit it was hard to go through this here, where I've fallen apart on a much grander scale once before. And it was hard not to have some of my older friends and supporters right here where I needed them. I would have given my left arm to have Cas down the street again. Kristina just a drive away. Connie around the corner. So many I miss & wish for, I can't list them all. It's hard to go through this in a place where people don't know what to do. Don't know how to react. Don't know that having a meltdown doesn't technically make you a crappy parent. It just makes you human. I also have to admit that there was some serious help from above...in human form through some divine encouragement I received from some of my park pals and prayer gals, you know who you are. And from the pal who captures the love of our family in images that bring tears to my eyes and her friendship nurtures my soul. And from one friend who swears she doesn't know what to do with all the emotional fussiness but somehow manages to be such a rock for me. You know who you are and I'll send a hug and many thanks over the cyberwaves so you don't have to deal with all that teary crap. :0)

SO. It's out there for all the word to read. Think what you will, judge if you must. (I guess some just don't get the concept of "judge not, lest ye be judged.") But know this. I am human and made in the way God intended. And I will love myself for what He made and I will seek His face to help me through and I will turn to those He has provided and I will always be honest about who I am. I lost that for a while. I found it again and I pray with every fiber of my being that I don't ever lose it again. (Literally, because the hitting the wall part of being a wackadoo really sucks.) And I promise to try VERY hard to always remember what my good pal Lisa says, "it's just a season, dear."

WELL. after that mess is all up in your hair and the bee is out of my bonnet, I thought I'd let you in on my goals for reinventing my not smelly self.

I will...
spend more time laughing with my husband and my offspring.
eat a heck of a lot better, but never deprive myself of yummy treats.
get some damn exercise. I might be skinny but, damn if I'm not jiggly. YUCK!
enjoy teaching my kids all about the world and everything in it.
spend more time blessing others and paying it forward.
get my stupid degree.

oh, and live on a stinky budget. ugh.

THIS is OUR YEAR. Clan Mac, version 5.0
Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
love,
the clan mac mama

Don't watch Deliver Me a month before your husband's vasectomy.

When you're stuck "resting" because your head feels like it is going to explode, your throat is like sandpaper and your stomach is churning from postnasal drip. I am SO sure I do NOT want to ever be pregnant again, but darn if watching that show doesn't make me a little weepy and nostalgic for my preggers and newborn baby days. HOWEVER, since my youngest child is 6 months old and I'm not really too far from leaking boobs, sleepless nights and having to eat an irritating number of times a day to make milk (it's my superpower you know...) AND any more children would necessitate a cargo van and a lottery win, We're going ahead with the old snippy snip and we might even move up the date. LOL
So things are status quo here, save for me being a giant germ. Relatively happy kids, mostly sane parents AND we are almost done shopping. Pre-Christmas week baking/crafting/celebrating is about to begin!

Sam update....
Little man is strong!! And CHUBBY!! and snuggly and SO SO SO Sweet! He loves his exersaucer, chews on anything he can stuff into his mouth, has learned to tolerate the bumbo sitter, thinks his siblings are the best thing since sliced bread, does NOT like to be left alone and...can now roll from back to belly and belly to back!! Yeah Sam!! He surprised with this new skill this afternoon on his playmat while I was trying like crazy to finish my Christmas cards.

Oh, I just want to slow time to molasses-like speed. THIS is it. Our last sweet little smelly, barfing, snuggling, laughing, gurgling little boy. Oh, what a talker he is. He gurgles and blows raspberries, yells funny syllables, laughs like crazy and is SO happy that I am constantly amazed at how content he is.

We won the kid lottery. :-)

Love,
Clan Mac Mama

6 months today...

How the time flies away!
My Little Sam man,
the newest member of our clan.
Your first half year has gone by...
in the blink of an eye.
You're such a cuddly little bug...
with an adorable mug!
You are happy to be...
anywhere with me.
The bigs love to play...
around you all day!
Tickles, books and smiles...
they go on for miles!

Oh, my Sam man. What a gift you are!

We love you baby boy. :-)
Happy 6 months, sweet bean!

Love,
Mommy

Sometimes all it takes is...

a tier of fruit. On a pretty stand. To finally make my house feel like my home.

After a summer spent riding the ebb and flow of our new life, I think we might, just might, finally have some peace. To say that I never want to have another summer like this one would be an understatement. But the prizes that came out of this cracker jack box have been priceless.
My sweet son.
My HOME.
My little learners.
My little frick and frack.

In the words of my husband "you're like a ping pong ball on a bungee cord..." I tell you that it's been a mighty trying time. And yet... here we are. 5 contented kids, 2 REALLY exhausted parents and one very big, very merry, very blessed unit.

Tonight we sat. We viewed the telly and ate popcorn. We just were. Then my love went off to check our children and discovered our little man, Sam, sucking on his little tiny finger. And I started to cry. Because it hit me, like a little tsunami, that I might not remember this night. I might not remember that he rolled over for the first time at my parents on Labor Day weekend. I might not remember that he laughed at me when I tickled him, just after I nursed him, sitting in my chair...sometime in August. That I have almost no pictures of him, and maybe 2 of me or Charles with him. That these days, these sweet moments with my littlest baby, have rushed by in a blur of stuff, stress, wailing babies, crying mommy, stressed out daddy and overwhelmed big girls.

I haven't written about how astonished I have been as I watch my big girls with their littles. Their kindness, unconditional love and extraordinary patience has been like watching the hand of God lead my children. And it has certainly been that hand that has led us out of this craziness and into a peace. (Albeit a busy one, but a peace nonetheless.)

I haven't written about the binky wars, the fun with forks, the battle for Mommy (or Daddy, as the case may be.) The puckered up kisses of my littlest Mercy, the sweet hugs between my twinners, the maniacal laughter that fills my home, the mud wars, the MAJOR MAX MELTDOWNS (usually resulting in running, loud wailing and occasional dropping to the floor in sheer RIDICULOUSNESS.) The high pitched screeching from Mercy as she touts her displeasure, usually followed by a quick recovery and a rapid fire succession of Mercy speak that I am FINALLY starting to decipher.


I haven't told you that homeschooling is HARD. But the best thing I've ever done for my kids. That there are days I forget to pee because I haven't stopped for one second. That the first 2 weeks were like a fire house in my mouth, and the second 2 weeks are getting there. That I really love spending my days with all of my children. That I am so proud of how hard they work every day. That I love watching their little minds "get it." That I love starting my day with our devotional. That I love that they love it.


I haven't talked about how Max and Mercy will sit with us for sometimes an hour! "Reading" their books, "writing," eating playdoh, throwing rice and, on occasion, doing a timeline motion or 2. :0) I haven't told you that today, as I was prepping the brood to zip over to Evie's riding lessons, I opened the door to the M-n-M's room, only to discover Max, Mercy and Charley sitting quietly in the middle of their floor, reading books. My heart almost exploded and I knew, without one shred of doubt, that my family works like this.


I haven't shared Eva's joy for writing, reading and learning the word of God. The joy radiating from her face when she learns new verses, writes a new story or discovers a neat new book, it's phenomenal. You don't know that she is my greatest help, my little friend, my sidekick. You don't see the thirst for knowledge that has re-emerged in this last month.

The wonder that is Charley hasn't been shared with you. The astonishing memory that I have seen emerge in just 4 weeks, the quest to know and to understand. The longing to be a big girl, but with a heart that is still so sweet and little.

The old soul that is my Mercy. Always tending her baby, wearing whatever she can loop around her neck to "dress up," sporting a sweet little purse on her arm. Sitting on the front step, watching the world go by, just like her Nana and her great Nana. She is a little Carolyn and Susan all rolled into one.

The sweet, tender hearted and "oh so sensitive" Max man. His heart is bigger than the grand canyon. His sweetness, beyond inspiring. His toe bouncing run? comical! His favorite music? Hard rock or heavy metal...guess his doppelganger passed on more than his looks. :-) And he is all boy, all the time. (even when he's pushing a pink stroller loaded with bunnies, he is ramming it into a wall.)


And my marvelous, marvelous husband. The best father. Ever.

There is just so much to share and so little time to type. I hope this snippet and these photos find all of you well. I hope I can share more snippets soon...pray for more hours in my day. :-)
Love to all...
clan mac mama

Heavy Metal Head...

so, my Max man is not only a physical clone of my brother, he has the same taste in music...Sitting in O'Charley's tonight for dinner (in the bar area with Charles, our 5 kids and Christy and her 3...nice.) and the "night" music gets cranked up. Head bangin', throat screamin' craziness. And there is my son. Grinning like a chesire cat, bopping up & down, swaying side to side, clapping and whacking his straw on the table. And on that note....
I need to have my own TLC show so I can have these bits of insanity preserved for posterity and all that world to see.
Micky Simons has decided that it'll be called...
Tiff plus Ten
I told him not to walk on front of my car, as I might run him over. After I finish beating him with a wooden spoon. But he has that silly video of Big Echo night in Okinawa, so I better let him live. :-)
Personally, I'm pretty sure that Tiff and Mac plus 5 is plenty, thank you very much. I still remember my name and the month, so let's not push it.

Off to watch Eureka with the spousal unit. More later!
love,
clan mac mama

ARRGHHHHHHH....

It's Cap'n Charley...

That's my kid.
LOVE IT!

Dear Sam,

Hello, my littlest man. I can't believe you are a month old already. As seems to be the new norm for our clan, the first month of your life has been chaos, since we have moved...YET again. Our MO seems to be, have a baby or 2, move a few times, have a baby, move. Don't try this when you are an adult. It really stinks. BUT, here we are, settled in our new home...5 kids, no pets, no plants and no nanny. (I'm okay with the no pets/no plants thing, but I REALLY could use a nanny.)

What a sweet and cuddly little man you are. All you need to make you happy is milk, snuggles and your siblings. You're quite smart and have figured out that if you are not pleased, you can squawk quite loudly and someone from this giant clan will pick you up or talk to you or read you a story... and then you are quite content again.

You curl your toes while you nurse. It makes my heart smile. And you REALLY never miss a meal. Which could explain how you weighed 9 lbs 15 oz at your one month check. :-) They said you were getting along famously and healthy as could be. (And this really makes my heart smile, since you gave us quite a scare for a while there in my tummy.)

You look just like your dad and your big sister Charley. 100% McCawley! So let's count 'em up...
Mommy clones: Eva & Mercy
Daddy clones: Charley & Sam
Uncle Markie clones: Max
SO... Mommy wins! (I get credit for the uncle markie clone since I had to put up with his torture when HE was little like Max man. :-)

You smiled at me yesterday. I think this was the 3rd time... and no the other ones were NOT gas. You smiled at me when you were 10 days old, 3 weeks old AND yesterday. I'd prefer we not space the smiles out so much and respectfully request that you make them a regular occurrence...

You've traveled quite a bit for such a small fry. Mommy and the beans scooted on up to Maryland with Nanny for a bit while Daddy moved. We drove up when you were just 2 weeks old. And you were an absolute angel on the trip! We spent almost 2 weeks with Nanny, Poppy, Aunt Sammy, Haley, Ivy and JoJo.

You were rather happy to have all that love and attention and Mommy was quite happy to have all of her favorite peeps around to hang out with and share baby duties with. We had an altogether lovely time and miss everyone boatloads already. (Thankfully, Aunt Sammy rolled in with her chitlins' last night, so I am spared the familial longings for this weekend! :-) It's so delightful to live close to the fam again.)

You've really grown quite a bit this last month, reaching 10 lbs, outgrowing your newborn diapers by 3 weeks and moving on up in the size of your charming little sleepers by 4 weeks! Like Mama said, you REALLY don't miss a meal, so this is not at all bewildering.

Your sibs really find you quite darling and are truly adjusting well to your presence. Mercy LOVES to call you baby and give you kisses, hugs and love pats. Max finally acknowledged your existence around your 2 week mark and now thinks you are the bee's knees. He is perfectly gentle with your little self and finds you quite fascinating. (although...he does tend to get a bit irked when you are hogging my attention.)

Charley adores holding you, chatting with you and checking up on you. She gave you quite a gift... HER BINKIES! If you knew how much Charley adored her binks, you'd be thoroughly impressed with this magnanimous act. As for your biggest sister, Eva, she is your other Mama. What an incredible assistant she is to mommy, helping me keep my head above water with all of you little beans. I have to remember every day to thank her and let her know how much I appreciate her! She loves to read you stories and keep you content throughout our deliriously kooky days.

And...you took a bath in a roasting pan on a cutting board mat at Nanny's. Who needs baby gear when Nanny has a pantry full of kitchen crap?

Well, my little son, I'd best sign off for now. You are stirring and the time is flying by. I must attend to you and your sibs.

I'll leave you with this...You filled the hole in my heart when you blessed us with your light. I thank God every day for trusting me with you. I Love You to infinity and beyond!

All my love...
Mommy

Bye Bye Binkies...

Hello Big Girl!
At long last, my Charley bean has given up the binkie! The other night, I discovered that Sam likes Charley's binkies better than the soothies, so we started using some of them for him. WELL, apparently that was the kick in the proverbial pants needed to convince Charley that binkies really are for babies....woo hoo!
Soooo.... one new razor scooter and an appointment for getting ears pierced later, and we are binky free for Charley.
Times....they are a changin'!

Welcome to our clan, little Sam man.

BEFORE....

For your entertainment... a little funny.

Samuel Charles McCawley completed our family June 5, 2009 at 7:55 pm. He came into this world on wings of prayer and PRAISE GOD, he is healthy, happy and here!

After!

7.9 lbs, 20 inches long
madder than a wet hen (and how mad, really, is a wet hen?)
Healthy, beautiful and perfect.

These first 3 weeks have passed in a complete blur of nursing, diapers, moving, traveling, and adjusting to life in our new circus. Now that we've done our part to populate the earth all by ourselves, we have to figure out how to keep these little midgets from taking over and locking us into the closet when we're not looking. (If you spent an afternoon with Max and Mercy you would understand this and totally see why this is a real possibility. :-)

Eva and Charley have taken the new little man in great stride, being extraordinarily helpful, understanding and easygoing. The mini macs have had their moments, but have yet to try to smother him, feed him or beat him up, so I think it's going quite swimmingly. (and, again... what exactly does swimmingly mean? for my purposes it means we are all alive, fed and not very dirty.)

Littlest man is a champion eater, pooper and snuggler. Sleeping...well, that shifts daily, but we can't have everything, now, can we? He is SO stinking cute. And every bit a McCawley. After a perusal of pics here at my parent's, we have determined that Max is Mark's mini me and Sam is Charles' mini me. His hair is so soft and dark, his eyes are alert and bright, his skin is perfect, soft and quite ruddy, his hands and feet are HUGE, and his ears are so adorable I can't stand it! What a blessing this little guy is to our family.

The clan, minus Charles, is currently ensconced at my parent's house while Charles finishes moving us into the new house in NC. My Dad headed down there thursday to help him out with some things and they will head back up here on Sunday. I can't wait to see my hubby. Feels like a thousand years have passed since we brought Sam home. Complete and utter chaos has enveloped us all and I will be so glad to have some time together as a family. The kids miss their Dad and little Sam has barely seen him! This "hey, let's move everytime we have a kid" thing is for the freakin' birds!

So, I've got to run and bathe the twins, feed little man and feed myself. So here's a few more pics... enjoy!

The sound of my children laughing...

makes my heart sing!

As for those other clan mac beans...

I honestly can't say I know where to begin with the bigs and the littles. Life has been so crazy that blogging and every other form of keeping up with my family has been pitched aside. So I'll do my best to sum it up...

Eva...
What a big girl I've got! She is so articulate, helpful, kind and empathetic. (most of the time...) She loves to help me, adores her playtime with friends, is reading like a champ, loves gymnastics and her riding lessons and is truly and genuinely excited about the 3 biggest clan mac events on the horizon: baby five, homeschooling and moving into our very own house. She has grown up so much this year and it amazes me every day what she is capable of and how much she is willing to learn if I just take the time to teach her.
Fave things of late...
jamming to her ipod
entertaining and tickling the M-n-M's
"directing" playtime with Charley (which usually results in screaming and MOMMMMMMM...)
hand games and rhymes (think Miss Mary Mack Mack Mack and the like. Which I STILL remember!)
Anticipating our visit up north while Daddy moves us into the new house!
And finally, counting the days until summer is here!


Charley...
Talk about a 4 year old. Kristina knows what I mean.... Stubborn, tenacious, sassy, "hard of hearing" (well, selective hearing,) too smart for her own britches, enamored of her best pal Hailey...
and beyond sweet with her kisses and hugs for every member of this clan. There is NO bossing this 4 year old around. Since my last Charley related post, she has figured out more of the electronics, taken to ignoring me when I speak, decided that screaming AHHHHHHHHHHHHH is the way to solve all issues and has grown like a weed. She shocked the poop out of me by demonstrating the ability to write her alphabet yesterday (without help or visual reference,) which she followed by a tantrum over the fact that I would not let her play a game on my computer. She completely and utterly adores her siblings and would be content to do nothing but play with them all day. As a matter of fact, I don't know what I'd do without her! She keeps Max and Mercy happy so Mommy can be the slave. :-) She had a wonderful party with her fave people here and was overjoyed to receive many car related gifts. I gave her a boy name and apparently that comes with a vested interest in boy toys. Oh, and building blocks, puzzles and legos. Future engineer or Nascar driver?


Mercy...Ah, the littlest diva. What can you say about such a tiny little person who rules the entire roost? I'll sum it up in just a few words....
dance baby dance!
THAT IS MINE!
snuggle me...please :-)
give me kisses!
WHERE is my MILK?
Can't you tell I'm HUNGRY?
What do you mean I'm messy? This food doesn't belong all over my shirt, the floor and under my butt?
oh, you were playing with that? I didn't notice when I yanked it out of your hands. oops. :-)
Mommy, what is that on top of your head? Here, let me grab 2 handfuls of your hair and yank your head down so I can see. Oh, and while I'm at it, let me grab your eyelashes and stick my fingers up your nose. Aren't I cute?
And finally....
Oh, that looks dangerous. Here Max, let me figure it out and then I'll show you too!!!!



Max...
Mighty Max
Little Linebacker
Itty Bitty Al
Super Sheepdog, ready to fly away at a moment's notice with his hairwings.
Truly, I have never seen a 1 year old boy built this way. His shoulders are ridiculous, his legs and arms are like trunks, his butt looks like he's been doing squats since the womb, and his lips? Angelina Jolie could be jealous.

Summing it up for the man...
I don't like that. I don't care if I've eaten it before, I don't care how long it took you to make it and I don't care if Mercy is eating it. If it's not sweet, fruity, perfect consistency and NOT green, I am most certainly NOT letting it past my adorable lips.
Is that soft? Can I have it? Can I throw it on the floor, then throw myself on it and then rub my sweet little face in it? Thanks!! That is my second fave thing to do.
My first fave thing is: running at full speed into the end of my crib with my head. I've now moved on to trying it out with walls AND putting myself in downward dog while I whack my head on the ground. Mind you, I laugh maniacally while doing these things.
I also think I am very funny when I run around like a maniac weeble wobble with my hands straight above my head.
AS a matter of FACT, I just think I am darn funny. I kill myself! I should be in a room with an audience of me clones...the laughter would NEVER stop!
If it can fit in my mouth, I WILL eat it. If I can shove the whole thing in there, even better. That lego tasted darn good and so do those puzzle pieces! Why don't you serve THOSE for dinner, MOM?
And finally,
I love my Dad. He's the best. AND he's my fave person on the planet. (next to my stuffed blue dog.)

As for me? Pregnant, tired, ready to move and ready to meet five.
As for my better half? Tired, tired of me being pregnant, ready to move and ready to meet five.
For both of us? Amazed at our chaos, our family and our amazing kids. God is Good!

And so we wait.

For our little man. No test results have given us any indication of a reason for the polyhydramnios. I've seen both my doctors and they've agreed upon June 4 as an induction date, barring any other developments. Today I learned that my little man had a few soft markers for down's syndrome at my 20 week anatomy scan, but that they seem to have resolved. After a bit of googling, I decided I just wasn't going to read any more. I need to remember my pledge to have faith and wait for God to reveal his plan for our family and this child.
The waiting just sucks. 2 more weeks. Pray for the time to fly and our positive resolve to remain strong.
I promise to post some fun pics and anecdotes about the 4 bigger mini macs soon!
Thanks to all of you for your thoughtful calls, emails, prayers and comments. They have made a huge impact on our family and our hearts.
Love to all,
Clan Mac Mama + 1

Trust is a funny thing...

and I often find myself having the least amount of trust where I should have the most. NOOOO....I am not talking about my sweet hubby, that is just a given. :-) I am talking about trust in God, the ultimate source of all that is right, all that is comforting, all that we are blessed with as a family.
This latest little crisis with five has helped me turn a corner, reach a peace, find my center again. Thursday was awful after we left the doctor's office. I felt overwhelmed, discouraged, scared, angry, sad. So many things. Determined not to raise the alarm, I was only going to talk to my Moms & a few friends about what was going on. Well, as I sat on the couch late into the night, watching my shows and feeling my little man flip, twist and try to eviscerate my internal parts...I had a bit of a light bulb moment. That little sh*t with the horns was sitting directly on my shoulder, filling me with doubt, sadness and every one of those fears that was propelling my tears. Well! You all know how I hate being told what to do, so I just turned a bit, flicked that little sh*t off my shoulder and decided that the only person who could tell me what to do was telling me. He was whispering it in my ear. Faith. Have Faith. Trust in Me. Believe in Me. Know Me.

So here's what I did. I asked my Moms to pray for us. I posted it here. I posted it on facebook. And I'm going to tell everyone I can think of. I'm going to spread it near and far, widely disseminating our need for prayer. Because if I do, if I trust in Him, willingly accept whatever He thinks our family can handle, then we can. We can handle it. Through Him, in Him, with Him.

And I feel at peace. I sleep at night. I don't have dreams of what might be. (I do dream about water and pressure, then wake up and realize it's just me having to pee AGAIN...)
Am I still nervous? Yep. Am I still filled with questions? You betcha. Do I still feel like my life is about to implode? Nope. Because I know this. If He takes you to it, He will lead you through it. (Thanks Kristin!)

So, please keep praying. Please keep us in your hearts. Please cover us with all of the faith we need. It gives us peace.

And the biggest thank you's in all of this go to my husband, who has not wavered once in his faith that we can handle whatever God sends our way. To my Moms, who have lifted us up in prayer and in faith that our son will be just fine. And to my friend Kristin, whose blog about her adoptions and her faith journey reminded me that I need to walk with God, not just occasionally drop in for a visit.
And finally, to that little sh*t, for sitting on my shoulder and thinking he could tell me what to do. You little idiot. If you knew anything at all about me (as my God does,) you'd know better! Ha Ha Ha Ha. God WINS again!!!!!

What our family needs right now is,

prayer.
I had no intentions of posting this or sharing this news. I expressed to both my Mom & Mom in law today that I didn't really want to share this with anyone, that I really just needed them to put their prayer warrior hats on and get that pipeline to God moving. And then I realized that if I don't share it, I don't get all of those prayers that I know we need right now.
I found out monday that I have polyhydramnios. (In a nutshell, too much amniotic fluid.) The cause is as yet unknown, pending some tests I've had and will have tomorrow. We are praying mightily that the cause lies with me and not our little bean. Without getting into details, there are many possible causes for this condition, some that stem from me and some from the baby. And then there are those that have no reason at all (idiopathic.) If my test results are negative, we will have to wait for my little man's birth to ensure that he is ok. So, for the first time ever in my life, I am praying hard for something to be wrong with me. Just me. Not our baby, my little bean, my five.
Please understand if I don't want to talk to much about this. I have to figure out how to get through the next few weeks until they induce me without thinking about this every second of every day. Please just put us in your prayers and send all of the positive thoughts you can our way. Please. Just pray.

With all of our love,
the clan mac