Dear Sam,

Hello, my littlest man. I can't believe you are a month old already. As seems to be the new norm for our clan, the first month of your life has been chaos, since we have moved...YET again. Our MO seems to be, have a baby or 2, move a few times, have a baby, move. Don't try this when you are an adult. It really stinks. BUT, here we are, settled in our new home...5 kids, no pets, no plants and no nanny. (I'm okay with the no pets/no plants thing, but I REALLY could use a nanny.)

What a sweet and cuddly little man you are. All you need to make you happy is milk, snuggles and your siblings. You're quite smart and have figured out that if you are not pleased, you can squawk quite loudly and someone from this giant clan will pick you up or talk to you or read you a story... and then you are quite content again.

You curl your toes while you nurse. It makes my heart smile. And you REALLY never miss a meal. Which could explain how you weighed 9 lbs 15 oz at your one month check. :-) They said you were getting along famously and healthy as could be. (And this really makes my heart smile, since you gave us quite a scare for a while there in my tummy.)

You look just like your dad and your big sister Charley. 100% McCawley! So let's count 'em up...
Mommy clones: Eva & Mercy
Daddy clones: Charley & Sam
Uncle Markie clones: Max
SO... Mommy wins! (I get credit for the uncle markie clone since I had to put up with his torture when HE was little like Max man. :-)

You smiled at me yesterday. I think this was the 3rd time... and no the other ones were NOT gas. You smiled at me when you were 10 days old, 3 weeks old AND yesterday. I'd prefer we not space the smiles out so much and respectfully request that you make them a regular occurrence...

You've traveled quite a bit for such a small fry. Mommy and the beans scooted on up to Maryland with Nanny for a bit while Daddy moved. We drove up when you were just 2 weeks old. And you were an absolute angel on the trip! We spent almost 2 weeks with Nanny, Poppy, Aunt Sammy, Haley, Ivy and JoJo.

You were rather happy to have all that love and attention and Mommy was quite happy to have all of her favorite peeps around to hang out with and share baby duties with. We had an altogether lovely time and miss everyone boatloads already. (Thankfully, Aunt Sammy rolled in with her chitlins' last night, so I am spared the familial longings for this weekend! :-) It's so delightful to live close to the fam again.)

You've really grown quite a bit this last month, reaching 10 lbs, outgrowing your newborn diapers by 3 weeks and moving on up in the size of your charming little sleepers by 4 weeks! Like Mama said, you REALLY don't miss a meal, so this is not at all bewildering.

Your sibs really find you quite darling and are truly adjusting well to your presence. Mercy LOVES to call you baby and give you kisses, hugs and love pats. Max finally acknowledged your existence around your 2 week mark and now thinks you are the bee's knees. He is perfectly gentle with your little self and finds you quite fascinating. (although...he does tend to get a bit irked when you are hogging my attention.)

Charley adores holding you, chatting with you and checking up on you. She gave you quite a gift... HER BINKIES! If you knew how much Charley adored her binks, you'd be thoroughly impressed with this magnanimous act. As for your biggest sister, Eva, she is your other Mama. What an incredible assistant she is to mommy, helping me keep my head above water with all of you little beans. I have to remember every day to thank her and let her know how much I appreciate her! She loves to read you stories and keep you content throughout our deliriously kooky days.

And...you took a bath in a roasting pan on a cutting board mat at Nanny's. Who needs baby gear when Nanny has a pantry full of kitchen crap?

Well, my little son, I'd best sign off for now. You are stirring and the time is flying by. I must attend to you and your sibs.

I'll leave you with this...You filled the hole in my heart when you blessed us with your light. I thank God every day for trusting me with you. I Love You to infinity and beyond!

All my love...
Mommy

Bye Bye Binkies...

Hello Big Girl!
At long last, my Charley bean has given up the binkie! The other night, I discovered that Sam likes Charley's binkies better than the soothies, so we started using some of them for him. WELL, apparently that was the kick in the proverbial pants needed to convince Charley that binkies really are for babies....woo hoo!
Soooo.... one new razor scooter and an appointment for getting ears pierced later, and we are binky free for Charley.
Times....they are a changin'!

Welcome to our clan, little Sam man.

BEFORE....

For your entertainment... a little funny.

Samuel Charles McCawley completed our family June 5, 2009 at 7:55 pm. He came into this world on wings of prayer and PRAISE GOD, he is healthy, happy and here!

After!

7.9 lbs, 20 inches long
madder than a wet hen (and how mad, really, is a wet hen?)
Healthy, beautiful and perfect.

These first 3 weeks have passed in a complete blur of nursing, diapers, moving, traveling, and adjusting to life in our new circus. Now that we've done our part to populate the earth all by ourselves, we have to figure out how to keep these little midgets from taking over and locking us into the closet when we're not looking. (If you spent an afternoon with Max and Mercy you would understand this and totally see why this is a real possibility. :-)

Eva and Charley have taken the new little man in great stride, being extraordinarily helpful, understanding and easygoing. The mini macs have had their moments, but have yet to try to smother him, feed him or beat him up, so I think it's going quite swimmingly. (and, again... what exactly does swimmingly mean? for my purposes it means we are all alive, fed and not very dirty.)

Littlest man is a champion eater, pooper and snuggler. Sleeping...well, that shifts daily, but we can't have everything, now, can we? He is SO stinking cute. And every bit a McCawley. After a perusal of pics here at my parent's, we have determined that Max is Mark's mini me and Sam is Charles' mini me. His hair is so soft and dark, his eyes are alert and bright, his skin is perfect, soft and quite ruddy, his hands and feet are HUGE, and his ears are so adorable I can't stand it! What a blessing this little guy is to our family.

The clan, minus Charles, is currently ensconced at my parent's house while Charles finishes moving us into the new house in NC. My Dad headed down there thursday to help him out with some things and they will head back up here on Sunday. I can't wait to see my hubby. Feels like a thousand years have passed since we brought Sam home. Complete and utter chaos has enveloped us all and I will be so glad to have some time together as a family. The kids miss their Dad and little Sam has barely seen him! This "hey, let's move everytime we have a kid" thing is for the freakin' birds!

So, I've got to run and bathe the twins, feed little man and feed myself. So here's a few more pics... enjoy!

The sound of my children laughing...

makes my heart sing!

As for those other clan mac beans...

I honestly can't say I know where to begin with the bigs and the littles. Life has been so crazy that blogging and every other form of keeping up with my family has been pitched aside. So I'll do my best to sum it up...

Eva...
What a big girl I've got! She is so articulate, helpful, kind and empathetic. (most of the time...) She loves to help me, adores her playtime with friends, is reading like a champ, loves gymnastics and her riding lessons and is truly and genuinely excited about the 3 biggest clan mac events on the horizon: baby five, homeschooling and moving into our very own house. She has grown up so much this year and it amazes me every day what she is capable of and how much she is willing to learn if I just take the time to teach her.
Fave things of late...
jamming to her ipod
entertaining and tickling the M-n-M's
"directing" playtime with Charley (which usually results in screaming and MOMMMMMMM...)
hand games and rhymes (think Miss Mary Mack Mack Mack and the like. Which I STILL remember!)
Anticipating our visit up north while Daddy moves us into the new house!
And finally, counting the days until summer is here!


Charley...
Talk about a 4 year old. Kristina knows what I mean.... Stubborn, tenacious, sassy, "hard of hearing" (well, selective hearing,) too smart for her own britches, enamored of her best pal Hailey...
and beyond sweet with her kisses and hugs for every member of this clan. There is NO bossing this 4 year old around. Since my last Charley related post, she has figured out more of the electronics, taken to ignoring me when I speak, decided that screaming AHHHHHHHHHHHHH is the way to solve all issues and has grown like a weed. She shocked the poop out of me by demonstrating the ability to write her alphabet yesterday (without help or visual reference,) which she followed by a tantrum over the fact that I would not let her play a game on my computer. She completely and utterly adores her siblings and would be content to do nothing but play with them all day. As a matter of fact, I don't know what I'd do without her! She keeps Max and Mercy happy so Mommy can be the slave. :-) She had a wonderful party with her fave people here and was overjoyed to receive many car related gifts. I gave her a boy name and apparently that comes with a vested interest in boy toys. Oh, and building blocks, puzzles and legos. Future engineer or Nascar driver?


Mercy...Ah, the littlest diva. What can you say about such a tiny little person who rules the entire roost? I'll sum it up in just a few words....
dance baby dance!
THAT IS MINE!
snuggle me...please :-)
give me kisses!
WHERE is my MILK?
Can't you tell I'm HUNGRY?
What do you mean I'm messy? This food doesn't belong all over my shirt, the floor and under my butt?
oh, you were playing with that? I didn't notice when I yanked it out of your hands. oops. :-)
Mommy, what is that on top of your head? Here, let me grab 2 handfuls of your hair and yank your head down so I can see. Oh, and while I'm at it, let me grab your eyelashes and stick my fingers up your nose. Aren't I cute?
And finally....
Oh, that looks dangerous. Here Max, let me figure it out and then I'll show you too!!!!



Max...
Mighty Max
Little Linebacker
Itty Bitty Al
Super Sheepdog, ready to fly away at a moment's notice with his hairwings.
Truly, I have never seen a 1 year old boy built this way. His shoulders are ridiculous, his legs and arms are like trunks, his butt looks like he's been doing squats since the womb, and his lips? Angelina Jolie could be jealous.

Summing it up for the man...
I don't like that. I don't care if I've eaten it before, I don't care how long it took you to make it and I don't care if Mercy is eating it. If it's not sweet, fruity, perfect consistency and NOT green, I am most certainly NOT letting it past my adorable lips.
Is that soft? Can I have it? Can I throw it on the floor, then throw myself on it and then rub my sweet little face in it? Thanks!! That is my second fave thing to do.
My first fave thing is: running at full speed into the end of my crib with my head. I've now moved on to trying it out with walls AND putting myself in downward dog while I whack my head on the ground. Mind you, I laugh maniacally while doing these things.
I also think I am very funny when I run around like a maniac weeble wobble with my hands straight above my head.
AS a matter of FACT, I just think I am darn funny. I kill myself! I should be in a room with an audience of me clones...the laughter would NEVER stop!
If it can fit in my mouth, I WILL eat it. If I can shove the whole thing in there, even better. That lego tasted darn good and so do those puzzle pieces! Why don't you serve THOSE for dinner, MOM?
And finally,
I love my Dad. He's the best. AND he's my fave person on the planet. (next to my stuffed blue dog.)

As for me? Pregnant, tired, ready to move and ready to meet five.
As for my better half? Tired, tired of me being pregnant, ready to move and ready to meet five.
For both of us? Amazed at our chaos, our family and our amazing kids. God is Good!

And so we wait.

For our little man. No test results have given us any indication of a reason for the polyhydramnios. I've seen both my doctors and they've agreed upon June 4 as an induction date, barring any other developments. Today I learned that my little man had a few soft markers for down's syndrome at my 20 week anatomy scan, but that they seem to have resolved. After a bit of googling, I decided I just wasn't going to read any more. I need to remember my pledge to have faith and wait for God to reveal his plan for our family and this child.
The waiting just sucks. 2 more weeks. Pray for the time to fly and our positive resolve to remain strong.
I promise to post some fun pics and anecdotes about the 4 bigger mini macs soon!
Thanks to all of you for your thoughtful calls, emails, prayers and comments. They have made a huge impact on our family and our hearts.
Love to all,
Clan Mac Mama + 1

Trust is a funny thing...

and I often find myself having the least amount of trust where I should have the most. NOOOO....I am not talking about my sweet hubby, that is just a given. :-) I am talking about trust in God, the ultimate source of all that is right, all that is comforting, all that we are blessed with as a family.
This latest little crisis with five has helped me turn a corner, reach a peace, find my center again. Thursday was awful after we left the doctor's office. I felt overwhelmed, discouraged, scared, angry, sad. So many things. Determined not to raise the alarm, I was only going to talk to my Moms & a few friends about what was going on. Well, as I sat on the couch late into the night, watching my shows and feeling my little man flip, twist and try to eviscerate my internal parts...I had a bit of a light bulb moment. That little sh*t with the horns was sitting directly on my shoulder, filling me with doubt, sadness and every one of those fears that was propelling my tears. Well! You all know how I hate being told what to do, so I just turned a bit, flicked that little sh*t off my shoulder and decided that the only person who could tell me what to do was telling me. He was whispering it in my ear. Faith. Have Faith. Trust in Me. Believe in Me. Know Me.

So here's what I did. I asked my Moms to pray for us. I posted it here. I posted it on facebook. And I'm going to tell everyone I can think of. I'm going to spread it near and far, widely disseminating our need for prayer. Because if I do, if I trust in Him, willingly accept whatever He thinks our family can handle, then we can. We can handle it. Through Him, in Him, with Him.

And I feel at peace. I sleep at night. I don't have dreams of what might be. (I do dream about water and pressure, then wake up and realize it's just me having to pee AGAIN...)
Am I still nervous? Yep. Am I still filled with questions? You betcha. Do I still feel like my life is about to implode? Nope. Because I know this. If He takes you to it, He will lead you through it. (Thanks Kristin!)

So, please keep praying. Please keep us in your hearts. Please cover us with all of the faith we need. It gives us peace.

And the biggest thank you's in all of this go to my husband, who has not wavered once in his faith that we can handle whatever God sends our way. To my Moms, who have lifted us up in prayer and in faith that our son will be just fine. And to my friend Kristin, whose blog about her adoptions and her faith journey reminded me that I need to walk with God, not just occasionally drop in for a visit.
And finally, to that little sh*t, for sitting on my shoulder and thinking he could tell me what to do. You little idiot. If you knew anything at all about me (as my God does,) you'd know better! Ha Ha Ha Ha. God WINS again!!!!!

What our family needs right now is,

prayer.
I had no intentions of posting this or sharing this news. I expressed to both my Mom & Mom in law today that I didn't really want to share this with anyone, that I really just needed them to put their prayer warrior hats on and get that pipeline to God moving. And then I realized that if I don't share it, I don't get all of those prayers that I know we need right now.
I found out monday that I have polyhydramnios. (In a nutshell, too much amniotic fluid.) The cause is as yet unknown, pending some tests I've had and will have tomorrow. We are praying mightily that the cause lies with me and not our little bean. Without getting into details, there are many possible causes for this condition, some that stem from me and some from the baby. And then there are those that have no reason at all (idiopathic.) If my test results are negative, we will have to wait for my little man's birth to ensure that he is ok. So, for the first time ever in my life, I am praying hard for something to be wrong with me. Just me. Not our baby, my little bean, my five.
Please understand if I don't want to talk to much about this. I have to figure out how to get through the next few weeks until they induce me without thinking about this every second of every day. Please just put us in your prayers and send all of the positive thoughts you can our way. Please. Just pray.

With all of our love,
the clan mac

Dear Mom,

Mom and her girls

I never knew, until Eva was born, how much you loved me. I never knew, until she went off to her first day of school, how scared you felt when it was my first day. I never knew, until I had Charley, that all that fear I felt about loving the 2nd as much as the 1st was just silly. I never knew, until I had Max & Mercy, that I could have enough room in my heart for them too.
There is so much I never knew. And so much more that I am grateful for. And so much more I have to learn. And so much I can learn just from being your daughter.
My Mom gives of herself even when she has nothing left to give.
My Mom supports me, listens to me, tells me the way it is.
My Mom makes my kids feel like they are the utter and absolute center of her universe. Just like she made me feel when I was growing up.
My Mom always makes me feel like I can do "it," whatever "it" is.
My Mom accepts me. For me. Loves me the way I am.
My Mom drops everything when her kids need her.
My Mom dropped everything when her Mom needed her. And showed my siblings and I what it truly means to unconditionally love your family. In a way that words cannot describe, but that my heart knows is utterly amazing.
My Mom means more to me than I could ever tell her.
She is my rock.
She is my friend.
She is my counselor.
She is my Mom.
And on this day, like every day, I am blessed. I am grateful. I am loved.
By my one, my only, my best. Mom.

I love you so much Mom! Happy Mother's Day!!

Nana and her girls!

This is usually what happens on holidays. My Mom cooks and we act like idiots. :-)

Nana and my girls after a very successful egg hunt!

Nana and Charley searching for more loot!

Charley Mac turned four today!

She celebrated with lots of play!
First morning gifts and cards to open,
For many presents she was a-hopin.'
A taste of the sky, a run in the rain,

This joy, I pray, will never wane.
If you need proof that God exists,
Just witness this child's pure bliss.
A date to play with 2 great friends,
A day of fun she hopes never ends.
Toys cars, a movie, some bendaroos,
a watch, flip flops, pretty charms too!
We capped her day with chick fil-a,
favorite chicken, ice cream and lots more play! Surrounded by mini macs and big sis Eva,
She's such a sweet lil' girl, never a diva!
Happy Birthday, my bean. My little sidekick.
My days with you are always a kick!
I'm 4 today, you said with pride,
it made my heart swell just like the tide.
I'm almost grown up! You said to Grandpa,
Tearing the heart right out of your Ma!
Happy Birthday to you, Charley Anne,
Love your Mama, your biggest fan!

Timing is...

everything. And, truthfully, not one bit in our control. As a society of people striving for the "American Dream," we endeavor to time each and every parcel of our lives to fit our neatly planned future.
Well, guess what. I'm here to tell you that....
timing really isn't everything.
Let me tell you about mine.
I tried to time the birth of my first little bean with the end of my senior year in college. Figured it would take a while. Guess what? NOT SO MUCH. Which is exactly why I am exactly one year away from the end of my senior year and that 8.5 x 11 piece of parchment paper that tells me I finished something besides my dessert, workout rotations and Marine Corps bootcamp.
Well, then I figured I could time little bean #2 to be just the right number of years younger than #1. HA. 18 months of fertility struggles, one ridiculous allergic reaction and a trip to Hawaii later and #2 was way behind schedule.
So, then I figured #3 should be right on the heels of #2 and lo and behold, he almost was. Sadly, my baby bean was an angel before I ever met him. I may have never held my little boy, but he holds my heart squarely in his tiny little palm.
WELL, you all know what happened next. Another round of help and we're onto the clan mac twin beans. Right smack in the middle of an Iraq deployment and TBS. (don't forget the cross country move and PCS to NC.)
To top it all off? Clan Mac bean #5 slides into home base for the final run.
Let's add building a house, homeschooling and attempting to reclaim myself? HOLY CRAP, that is some serious chaos.

The point? Timing really isn't up to us. So quit trying to plan life to the nth degree and enjoy it for what it is right now. (I'm really talking to myself here and if you get the point, well GREAT!) Really, we think we're in control and REALLY, we're not. HE is. So, sit back, relax, fasten your seat belts and ENJOY THE RIDE. :-)

off to not plan another day...
(hah!)
tiff

Toddling, Teaching and Tummies...oh, and houses.

are the focus of life in the clan mac right now!

Max the MAN is toddling around, lumbering from one toy to the next, arms up for balance, looking quite like the monkey. Mercy, on the other hand, refuses to walk, preferring to speed crawl or use her walker to get to her destination.



I am putting my teaching hat back on and taking the plunge...homeschool clan mac is officially opening up for business in the fall.

My tummy is growing by the day with our latest -as yet unnamed- little blessing.

AND, our house is plugging along, all gazillion square feet of it. We're praying all stays on schedule and we are in like by flynn by June 30.

So let me start my little update by simply saying...
1. No, I am not worried about socializing my children b/c they will be homeschooled. I don't WANT them socialized in our screwed up modern day version of Soddom and Gomorrah, that's WHY I am homeschooling.
2. No, I do not think that I am better than the wonderful teachers that dedicate their lives to our children. I think our system is broken and they do the absolute best they can. I just want something different for my kids.
3. No, I do not think my kids will be weird. I'm not weird. Charles isn't weird. And who cares, really, if they are? All kinds of folks make up the world, so what on earth would this world be like without some really cool weird kids to invent all the stuff that makes our lives so convenient? (Pretty sure Bill Gates was a total weirdo geek. Would LOVE to have his brains and money.)
4. Yes, I know I'll be busy. Pretty sure I am right now, since I have 4 kids that are 7, 3, 15 mos and 15 mos AND I am an incubator again. What's one more to the chaos? Heck, it can't get any more crazy. What's a little breastmilk and some more poopy diapers to add to the fun of our days?
5. And finally, I'm tired of trying to explain dieting, earrings in boys, broken rules, crappy school food options, "no those pants don't make you look fat," why they don't pray before meals and how to fend off mean bus brats.
6. Oh, and one more finally. WE know that we can't raise our children in a bubble, but we can raise them in our faith, with our values and with the education we wish them to have. And this is how we choose to do it. Not as an indictment of our school systems or any other family's choices. Each family has to do what it takes to make their unit work. And this choice is ours.

As for my tummy? My little man just keeps getting bigger and bigger! I'm frequently informed that I look like I've swallowed a basketball. I'm not sure what they'll call it in another month... "Oh, aren't you cute? You're all baby! It's just like you swallowed a ... (fill in the blank here with a giant round object of your choice.)"

And, lastly, for the dream house we've waited almost 20 years for? Well, folks....

Here it is!!
Pray for June 15 closing!!

Well, that's all for now folks!
love,
the clan mac mama +1

Binkie Wars...

and silly faces!
Having 4 kids is like having your own stand up comedy show troupe. Yesterday was particularly entertaining as I got to watch Mercy repeatedly steal Charley's binky, which Charley promptly stole back. In the midst of this, my frighteningly smart 3 year old is spelling out my name (not Mom, Tiffany...) on her leapster while Mercy attempts to put in her own letters and eat the leapster pen. All accompanied by Max's maniacal laugh once he got involved and got Charley going on the "spit out binkie with projectile force to make Max giggle" project. This was later followed by the "push and shove" contest to see which mini mac could attack Mommy first. I must say, Max is no longer taking Mercy' crap. He plows right over her if the mood strikes. Ah, the complexities of twindom. Things are getting very interesting...

Here's some cutie patootie pics to prove my kids are adorable...

Mercy...making a "can I make it to open this cabinet before she catches me" face. Either that or it's the poop face.

Mercy...making the "look, I'm smiling for the camera" sploosh face. THIS is why I have no smiling pics of that little terd.

Eva & Charley making the "it snowed, we're cold and we conned Mom into hot cocoa, marshmallows and cookies...what can we get out of her next..." faces. :-)

Max...the "seriously, you are going to take a picture of this?" face.

Proof that these little terds NEVER let me take a pic with 2 smiling babies.


ah... "self portrait with favored stuffed animal of the moment..." by Eva

What happens when your kids steal your camera. :-)

well...that's it for now. Gotta post on the mini mac birthday and all the latest for our clan. I'll get there....
love,
clan mac mama + 1

Febrile Seizures are horrible.

As Charles and I now know firsthand. Yesterday afternoon, our little man suffered one when he spiked a high fever. Charles was home alone with the minis and Charley when Max had the seizure. Thank the Lord he had the presence of mind to stay calm, dial 911, keep Mercy from heading downstairs alone and follow the 911 operators instructions while waiting for the paramedics. I can't honestly say I'd have been as calm.

Praise God that he seems to be fine. They ran some tests yesterday at the hospital and sent him home in the early evening. After an hour or 2 of lethargic crankiness, he seemed to perk up and be back to his usual happy, hungry and silly self. I never thought seeing the smile of one of my children could make me get down on my knees and Praise God for His goodness while I sobbed.

To my friends Michelle and Brian: I am in awe of you both. How you have stayed strong and faithful while each of your children have dealt with 22Q and cancer, respectively, I will never know. What amazing parents you are. Yesterday opened my eyes in a totally new way to a world of parents who have to dig to the depths of their souls to stay strong enough to raise sick children. One febrile seizure and I was ready to fall apart. And I'm still a little shaky. Fell asleep thanking God and woke up tearful this morning, still thanking God. Charles looked at me last night and said, "I think it's going to be a while before I can get that image of Max out of my head." I feel so horrible that he went through that alone. Just another testament to the strength and grace of my husband as a father. You are amazing, Love.

My children are my life. It's not always an easy life, but it is one I wouldn't trade for anything. Nothing. Not one single solitary thing could change my love and desire to be their mother. Thank you Lord, for keeping my baby safe. Thank you for my husband. Thank you for every amazing person who has walked through my life because of these beautiful souls you have given me.
Thank you God. For keeping my Max safe.

Honing in on the beacon...

that locates me. Hoping that regular blogging will return me to myself. Might try to sew a seam or two, turn off the tv, call a friend...
I used to think that I'd always find the time for the things that define me, the things I enjoy. I read some of my friends blogs and they are filled with wonderful crafts, family adventures, traditions, books to read, you name it. And I wonder if they have clones I'm unaware of, nannies hidden in the rafters? Hmmmmm.
But really, I think I'm just pregnant (AGAIN) and really really really really tired. And being so sick certainly didn't help.
Is it sad that I count the years until the younger 4 are like Eva? Self sufficient, willing to eat what I make, able to dress, wash, wipe, brush, fix food, use the remote, find stuff for me? I do appreciate the wonders of the little years, but sometimes I think they just get lost in all the crazies of many children under 4.
Ah, the day has flown by in a whirlwind of activity and this blog has sat...lonely and neglected, until it's owner has returned. Too tired to write anything else and ready to stare at the tv in mindless wonder.
send me home when you find me. :-)

love,
clan mac mama + 1

Down the rabbit hole...

I have gone. Sometimes I think that I've completely lost myself in this crazy busy life. I don't write, I don't sew, I don't sing, I don't teach. Where Have I Gone? If you find me, can you send me back? I miss Me.
Me has been replaced by a short order cook, chauffer, maid, incubator, maid...etc...
I wear the same clothes all the time because I am pregnant AGAIN and nothing is comfortable.
I am too tired to do anything but stare at the tv when I am not fulfilling previously aforementioned roles.
I forget birthdays.
I don't answer emails.
I don't buy cards for people.
I don't remember to call people back.
I don't remember to be nice as much as I would like to be.
I don't have any idea how I am going to function after June.
Ugh.
I'm going to stare at the tv.

Women's Healthcare Associates of Jacksonville...

is irresponsible and incompetent. Following are the details of my letter to the head of the practice.

Mrs. Tiffany McCawley
303 Trappers Rd
Hubert, NC 28539
Phone (910) 333-0461


February 8, 2010


Dr. Timothy Edwards
Women’s Health Associates
…..
Jacksonville, NC 28540


Dear Dr. Edwards,

Today I received a registered form letter from your office, terminating my care. To say that I was taken aback by such action would be an understatement. Frankly, I am utterly shocked that as a physician you would take such action with consulting with me first. I feel that the events that occurred this week in connection with my medical care have been extremely distressing, to say the least.

If you have reviewed my chart, which I doubt, you would have learned that I am pregnant with my 5th child, and that my other children are aged 7, 3 and 1 year old (my twins.) I have been ill for over a month and have done everything in my power to get well. I have rested, I have taken approved medications, I have consulted doctors. You would have also learned that I have a history of HELLP syndrome, which I experienced with my second child. In my previous pregnancy with the twins and with this pregnancy, I was warned by my maternal fetal medicine specialists to be especially aware of any time I was ill, since bacterial infections and illness can increase the risk of an occurrence or reccurence of HELLP. At my most recent appointment with Dr. Middleton, I was prescribed Augmentin (my second course of antiobiotics, the first was Zithromax just 2 ½ weeks earlier) for a sinus infection. By the time of my visit with Dr. Wright 12 days later, I was still not well and had finished my course of Augmentin. Dr. Wright told me that I needed to get my sinus issues under control and recommended I get a referral for ENT. He also told me that I should be vigilant for signs of HELLP. While I had a few days where I thought I was on the road to recovery, by Saturday of last week, I was back to feeling terrible again. I spent all day Sunday and most of Monday sick in bed. On Tuesday my husband put in for leave so that I could see the doctor and hopefully find a solution to put me on the road to recovery. I called your office to make an appointment and was told that I could not be seen in the office because I might “contaminate” it. I explained to both the receptionist and the nurse that I did not think I had the flu, but that I was continuing to have issues with my sinuses. I was told again that I could not be seen in the office and that I was to go to either the urgent care clinic or the ER/L&D. I finally just gave up and said I would go to the ER/L&D. I wished to be seen by my OB to ensure that everything was still ok with the baby and that my body was not having any adverse reactions to my extended illness. Due to my history of HELLP and my 3 miscarriages, I tend to be a bit on the skittish side. If you had made any effort to communicate with me prior to the letter you sent, you would have been aware of this.

As this is my 5th child and 7th pregnancy (in 3 different states and 1 foreign country), I have seen several different Obstetricians both on and off base. Each of those physicians has been caring, concerned, thorough and patient. After my first visit to your office and with Dr. Middleton, I was under the impression that I had again found a good fit for my situation. I came to your office from the Crist Clinic, which I left for 2 reasons. They are not child friendly and abortions are performed in office, which I am uncomfortable with. I did not leave due to any conflict or lack of acceptable medical care. Especially with my limited options here in Jacksonville, I am distressed that you would take this action without having spoken with me or researched this matter any further. If Tanya or Peggy was offended that I was so upset, I apologize. However, I think you have to understand that I have been extremely ill and by now, quite concerned about my health. I was very sick in much this same fashion during my pregnancy with Charley and that was when I developed the HELLP syndrome. To add to my stress and concern, I was refused an appointment because your staff was told they could be fired for allowing a patient with flu symptoms to come into the office (which I tried to tell them I did NOT have), I was sent to L/D where I was told to go home, rest and “get a babysitter,” then given misinformation regarding follow up care. (I was told that Hazel would try to get my referral pushed through and that she would try to see if she could help me get an ENT appointment right away.) In addition, during my visit to L/D Peggy told me she didn’t understand why I was even refused the appointment and that if I was not better by Friday, I should come back in to the office. I called your office on Friday to find out that status of the referral request and ENT appointment, as I was told when I spoke with TriCare that they had no record of a request. When I called I was informed that Hazel was not there, that there was no record of any of this in my chart and that there was nothing that could be done to help me. I asked why I was not called and told that they could not help me with the referral or ENT and was told that no one in the office knew what the situation was and that they could not help me as they were just “stuck in the middle.”
I am sure that I could continue to address this issue further, as I am quite upset with this situation, but I feel that I have made my point. Your actions and the actions of your office were irresponsible and unacceptable. I will be sending a copy of this letter to TriCare, Onslow County Memorial, the State Board and to the Naval Hospital. At the very least, I feel that I deserve an apology for your unwillingness to research this issue before you took it upon yourself to terminate my care. As my chart should have told you, I am high risk for several reasons and your actions only served to exacerbate my stress. Although pregnancy is a wonderful and joyous celebration, there are times when it can cause or increase levels of stress. As a physician, you and your staff should be aware of and understanding of situations that increase or contribute to those factors. As a physician, I thought you took an oath to “first do no harm.” You may want to reread that oath when dealing with patients already under great stress.
And just in case you were wondering, I got rest and a babysitter, as well as my husband taking almost a week off of work. And I am still sick. Do you suppose an ENT referral and a visit with a doctor who actually addressed my symptoms might have been helpful had I been afforded that opportunity? And just for your information, my OB in previous pregnancies addressed any and all illnesses that arose that might lead to an issue with myself or my unborn child.

Sincerely,



Tiffany M. McCawley

Riddlelove and a free ergo baby carrier...

are on this great blog: riddlelove
I subscribe to the newsletter for the homegrown family, and received a blurb about an ergo baby carrier giveway. SO, I decided to pass the word on (welul, it was my way of entering the contest AND passing the word about 2 great blogs) to those of you who might be in need of a baby carrier. Which, based on the fact that I am one of the only people left still having children, is probably about 3 of you. :-) But, hey, 3 peeps is better than none!
SO, check them out for great recipes, great baby gear and great blogging.
Enjoy!
Clan Mac Mama

The bottomless pit and the human brick turn 1...

with, unfortunately, a minimum of fun. :-( Poor Maxman was sick and not up for cake, so we decided to forgo any cake crazies until the big party. Which, I PROMISE, I am planning. I refuse to give my children reasons to see a therapist later in life, so a big 1 year party it is. LOL

Shock and awe. Pretty much sums up year 1 of the mini macs! Well, I could also say it was amazing, beautiful, challenging, tiring, energizing, surprising.... so many things. Have you ever looked something up on microfiche in the library? As you look through the reel it just zooms by, a blur of headlines, faces, pictures and words. THAT is what year one of the mini macs felt like to me. An awesome blur of big moments, little triumphs, helpful faces, beautiful images, sweet sounds and words of memories that flit by at the speed of "microfiche."

We started in an amazing series of moments that brought my little beans safely into the world, where they were surrounded by the love of an amazing cast of helpful characters who kept Mommy and kiddos (all of them) alive and fed while Daddy had to depart for far away places once again. We threw a few moves in there to keep things crazy, fell over from shock when we found out "five" was on his way, decided that building a house to move into the same month we meet five was a smashingly good idea and have spent an amazing year watching all of our children become the most fantastic little unit.

I'll never forget the fear I felt when I laid down on that table in my doctors office, just waiting to hear if there was even a heartbeat of the baby we thought we were having. I thought I was going to fall off the table when the nurse quietly smiled as she looked up and told us, "well, it's good news! both babies look great." For the first time in my life, I think I was utterly speechless. Sometimes I get that way all over again, when I'm struck by how much joy and light these 2 little miracles have brought into our lives.

So Thank You God, for my babies. All of them. Here's to you and your blessings!!

And now on to the update...

The bottomless pit...
I know you're thinking this can't be Mercy, that dainty little thing! HAH! That child might be tiny, but she is anything BUT dainty. She shovels food by the fistfuls, speed eating her way through every meal, where she manages to scoot herself far enough over to steal her brother's food (to which he responds by pulling off her bib and grabbing her hand..."hey, that's MINE!") or she pushes herself far enough back from the table to reach down and forage in her seat for all the food she has scattered down there during the shoveling process. I have no earthly idea where all that food goes, but man can she eat!
She is still a petite bean, but I think the food she eats is increasing her lung capacity daily. I thought Charley had a set of lungs. HOLY COW, this child is DEAFENING. And the frequency of which she voices her displeasure (quite often, I might add) is the "pluck mommy's last nerve" one. The upside to this? There will never, ever, ever, ever, be a bully stupid enough to mess with my Mercy. Add the screaming to the size of her brother? Scary!
So what, pray tell, has this little bean been doing of late? Well....
Speed crawling to the nearest "object de intereste." The speed increases if she thinks her brother will get to it first.
Dancing. On her butt, on her feet, in her seat, in the air, she is dancing everywhere! IF there is music in any level of earshot, she is a movin' and a groovin'. It's FABulous. and hysterical.
Pulling up on every imaginable stable and unstable surface she can get her grubby little hands on.
Cruising the hallways with her new walking toys, as she has deemed this is more efficient than actually learning to walk.
Checking out her hair, especially when her hands are covered with food... Punk.
Teething, teething and more teething...especially at 3 am. Ugh.
Smiles, Kisses, Hugs, tons of laughter and endless love for all things McCawley, especially her big sisters!

And now, drum roll please..........
The Human Brick.
And yes, I do mean brick. Carrying that little caveman is like hefting a cinder block around all day. I have NEVER met a baby that solid. Even my brother, who was definitely a big boy as a baby, had NOTHING on the stay puff man. Solid, ankleless and wristless, with shoulders like a linebacker, I have not one shred of doubt that my little man is headed for big boy land!
I have also not ever seen a baby eat that deliberately in my life. I think he's just trying to avoid smearing his ever present green snot into his mouth, so he is VERY careful about how he picks up and ingests his little bites. And as for eating? What a picky little terd. I must say, he has definitely inherited my aversion to anything green and healthy. Thankfully, he has also inherited my love of anything fruity and healthy. So, we might not eat too much green, but holy cow we tear through some fruit.
Butt bouncing like Tigger is his hysteria inducing trait. I just want to dress him in orange and black and attach a tail! :-) He also LOVES to plow over his sister in any effort to get to a toy first, get her toy, take her binkie, knock her over and NOW, steal her food too. And he does it all with this great, big, sh*t eating grin. It keeps the rest of us extremely entertained!
A ham, he is the most photogenic of all the clan mac minis and I am pretty sure he has never taken a bad picture. If there is a camera in a 30 feet radius, he is either looking at with a silly grin, a funny face or a serious "uh, what's up here?" look OR he is attempting to steal the camera to eat it. :-)
Speaking of eating things, he is the ultimate tiny taste tester. He will put anything, and I do mean anything, into his mouth. And he does it with lightning speed. Tends to send me into fits of screaming "open your mouth, spit it out, what the heck is that? DON'T EAT THAT!!" Watching my kiniptions is almost as comical as watching Max crawl over and yank Mercy's binkie from her mouth and pop it into his own. (Another favorite twin terror tactic.)
He will sleep through a surprising amount of chaos and always smiling when you pop the door open in the morning.
All boy, he other favorite pasttime is beating, throwing and banging just about anything he can get his hands on. He and Charley have a most wonderful time attempting scar up the few nice things I have managed to keep the military from wrecking over the years!

These twin terrors are certainly nothing like I expected, everything I love and, quite possibly, the best thing to happen to every member of this family. They have taught us patience and perseverance, they have increased our love in this family more than I ever thought possible and they have made me believe that I can do anything, including have yet another little bean!

Happy Birthday my sweet sweet sweet baby beans.
We Love You!!!
Here it is... Your very first birthday poem!

On January 20, 2009...
at just about a quarter to nine,
they told us that you'd soon be here.
So with just a bit of fear, we let out a great big cheer!
Mercy arrived at 1:02,
followed in a bit by baby two.
Little Max took his own sweet time,
arriving later at one one nine.
Thus began life as a family of six,
a crazy, kooky, wacky, maniacal mix!
In the whirlwind chaos of your 12 months,
you grew into such adorable runts!
Completed our family is what you did,
your effervescent joy made us flip our lid!
Happy Birthday to Mercy,
Happy Birthday to Max,
Our wonderful, adorable, twin mini macs!!

Putting it in writing...

For 2010!
I promise to TRY very hard to....

1. not be late for stuff with my kids (this may necessitate shaving my head and not wearing make-up. Oh, the sacrifices we make for our spawn.)

2. make it to the gym 3 mornings a week at 8:30. (this is necessitated by preggo state #5, my dropping behind and the crap I crave on a regular basis.)

3. live on a budget. (I REALLY WANT MY OWN HOUSE. enough said.)

4. get my God MOJO rolling again. (This means all my GOD MOJO mamas need to move here... so get packing Nancy, Cheryle, Vanessa, Shannon, Franca, Holly & Emily!)

5. be even more organized. (Yes, I know this is a sickness. But I do NOT wish to be medicated. It just makes me happy to be a complete neat freak. and organizational freak. and...well, I'm just REALLY type A.)

6. appreciate my children right now. in this moment. even when I am ready to go all bonzo on them and my fun meter is pegged. :-)

SO... what about you? What will you do in the New Year?

Love,
the pregopotamus