Dear Sam,

Hello, my littlest man. I can't believe you are a month old already. As seems to be the new norm for our clan, the first month of your life has been chaos, since we have moved...YET again. Our MO seems to be, have a baby or 2, move a few times, have a baby, move. Don't try this when you are an adult. It really stinks. BUT, here we are, settled in our new home...5 kids, no pets, no plants and no nanny. (I'm okay with the no pets/no plants thing, but I REALLY could use a nanny.)

What a sweet and cuddly little man you are. All you need to make you happy is milk, snuggles and your siblings. You're quite smart and have figured out that if you are not pleased, you can squawk quite loudly and someone from this giant clan will pick you up or talk to you or read you a story... and then you are quite content again.

You curl your toes while you nurse. It makes my heart smile. And you REALLY never miss a meal. Which could explain how you weighed 9 lbs 15 oz at your one month check. :-) They said you were getting along famously and healthy as could be. (And this really makes my heart smile, since you gave us quite a scare for a while there in my tummy.)

You look just like your dad and your big sister Charley. 100% McCawley! So let's count 'em up...
Mommy clones: Eva & Mercy
Daddy clones: Charley & Sam
Uncle Markie clones: Max
SO... Mommy wins! (I get credit for the uncle markie clone since I had to put up with his torture when HE was little like Max man. :-)

You smiled at me yesterday. I think this was the 3rd time... and no the other ones were NOT gas. You smiled at me when you were 10 days old, 3 weeks old AND yesterday. I'd prefer we not space the smiles out so much and respectfully request that you make them a regular occurrence...

You've traveled quite a bit for such a small fry. Mommy and the beans scooted on up to Maryland with Nanny for a bit while Daddy moved. We drove up when you were just 2 weeks old. And you were an absolute angel on the trip! We spent almost 2 weeks with Nanny, Poppy, Aunt Sammy, Haley, Ivy and JoJo.

You were rather happy to have all that love and attention and Mommy was quite happy to have all of her favorite peeps around to hang out with and share baby duties with. We had an altogether lovely time and miss everyone boatloads already. (Thankfully, Aunt Sammy rolled in with her chitlins' last night, so I am spared the familial longings for this weekend! :-) It's so delightful to live close to the fam again.)

You've really grown quite a bit this last month, reaching 10 lbs, outgrowing your newborn diapers by 3 weeks and moving on up in the size of your charming little sleepers by 4 weeks! Like Mama said, you REALLY don't miss a meal, so this is not at all bewildering.

Your sibs really find you quite darling and are truly adjusting well to your presence. Mercy LOVES to call you baby and give you kisses, hugs and love pats. Max finally acknowledged your existence around your 2 week mark and now thinks you are the bee's knees. He is perfectly gentle with your little self and finds you quite fascinating. (although...he does tend to get a bit irked when you are hogging my attention.)

Charley adores holding you, chatting with you and checking up on you. She gave you quite a gift... HER BINKIES! If you knew how much Charley adored her binks, you'd be thoroughly impressed with this magnanimous act. As for your biggest sister, Eva, she is your other Mama. What an incredible assistant she is to mommy, helping me keep my head above water with all of you little beans. I have to remember every day to thank her and let her know how much I appreciate her! She loves to read you stories and keep you content throughout our deliriously kooky days.

And...you took a bath in a roasting pan on a cutting board mat at Nanny's. Who needs baby gear when Nanny has a pantry full of kitchen crap?

Well, my little son, I'd best sign off for now. You are stirring and the time is flying by. I must attend to you and your sibs.

I'll leave you with this...You filled the hole in my heart when you blessed us with your light. I thank God every day for trusting me with you. I Love You to infinity and beyond!

All my love...
Mommy

Bye Bye Binkies...

Hello Big Girl!
At long last, my Charley bean has given up the binkie! The other night, I discovered that Sam likes Charley's binkies better than the soothies, so we started using some of them for him. WELL, apparently that was the kick in the proverbial pants needed to convince Charley that binkies really are for babies....woo hoo!
Soooo.... one new razor scooter and an appointment for getting ears pierced later, and we are binky free for Charley.
Times....they are a changin'!

Welcome to our clan, little Sam man.

BEFORE....

For your entertainment... a little funny.

Samuel Charles McCawley completed our family June 5, 2009 at 7:55 pm. He came into this world on wings of prayer and PRAISE GOD, he is healthy, happy and here!

After!

7.9 lbs, 20 inches long
madder than a wet hen (and how mad, really, is a wet hen?)
Healthy, beautiful and perfect.

These first 3 weeks have passed in a complete blur of nursing, diapers, moving, traveling, and adjusting to life in our new circus. Now that we've done our part to populate the earth all by ourselves, we have to figure out how to keep these little midgets from taking over and locking us into the closet when we're not looking. (If you spent an afternoon with Max and Mercy you would understand this and totally see why this is a real possibility. :-)

Eva and Charley have taken the new little man in great stride, being extraordinarily helpful, understanding and easygoing. The mini macs have had their moments, but have yet to try to smother him, feed him or beat him up, so I think it's going quite swimmingly. (and, again... what exactly does swimmingly mean? for my purposes it means we are all alive, fed and not very dirty.)

Littlest man is a champion eater, pooper and snuggler. Sleeping...well, that shifts daily, but we can't have everything, now, can we? He is SO stinking cute. And every bit a McCawley. After a perusal of pics here at my parent's, we have determined that Max is Mark's mini me and Sam is Charles' mini me. His hair is so soft and dark, his eyes are alert and bright, his skin is perfect, soft and quite ruddy, his hands and feet are HUGE, and his ears are so adorable I can't stand it! What a blessing this little guy is to our family.

The clan, minus Charles, is currently ensconced at my parent's house while Charles finishes moving us into the new house in NC. My Dad headed down there thursday to help him out with some things and they will head back up here on Sunday. I can't wait to see my hubby. Feels like a thousand years have passed since we brought Sam home. Complete and utter chaos has enveloped us all and I will be so glad to have some time together as a family. The kids miss their Dad and little Sam has barely seen him! This "hey, let's move everytime we have a kid" thing is for the freakin' birds!

So, I've got to run and bathe the twins, feed little man and feed myself. So here's a few more pics... enjoy!

The sound of my children laughing...

makes my heart sing!

As for those other clan mac beans...

I honestly can't say I know where to begin with the bigs and the littles. Life has been so crazy that blogging and every other form of keeping up with my family has been pitched aside. So I'll do my best to sum it up...

Eva...
What a big girl I've got! She is so articulate, helpful, kind and empathetic. (most of the time...) She loves to help me, adores her playtime with friends, is reading like a champ, loves gymnastics and her riding lessons and is truly and genuinely excited about the 3 biggest clan mac events on the horizon: baby five, homeschooling and moving into our very own house. She has grown up so much this year and it amazes me every day what she is capable of and how much she is willing to learn if I just take the time to teach her.
Fave things of late...
jamming to her ipod
entertaining and tickling the M-n-M's
"directing" playtime with Charley (which usually results in screaming and MOMMMMMMM...)
hand games and rhymes (think Miss Mary Mack Mack Mack and the like. Which I STILL remember!)
Anticipating our visit up north while Daddy moves us into the new house!
And finally, counting the days until summer is here!


Charley...
Talk about a 4 year old. Kristina knows what I mean.... Stubborn, tenacious, sassy, "hard of hearing" (well, selective hearing,) too smart for her own britches, enamored of her best pal Hailey...
and beyond sweet with her kisses and hugs for every member of this clan. There is NO bossing this 4 year old around. Since my last Charley related post, she has figured out more of the electronics, taken to ignoring me when I speak, decided that screaming AHHHHHHHHHHHHH is the way to solve all issues and has grown like a weed. She shocked the poop out of me by demonstrating the ability to write her alphabet yesterday (without help or visual reference,) which she followed by a tantrum over the fact that I would not let her play a game on my computer. She completely and utterly adores her siblings and would be content to do nothing but play with them all day. As a matter of fact, I don't know what I'd do without her! She keeps Max and Mercy happy so Mommy can be the slave. :-) She had a wonderful party with her fave people here and was overjoyed to receive many car related gifts. I gave her a boy name and apparently that comes with a vested interest in boy toys. Oh, and building blocks, puzzles and legos. Future engineer or Nascar driver?


Mercy...Ah, the littlest diva. What can you say about such a tiny little person who rules the entire roost? I'll sum it up in just a few words....
dance baby dance!
THAT IS MINE!
snuggle me...please :-)
give me kisses!
WHERE is my MILK?
Can't you tell I'm HUNGRY?
What do you mean I'm messy? This food doesn't belong all over my shirt, the floor and under my butt?
oh, you were playing with that? I didn't notice when I yanked it out of your hands. oops. :-)
Mommy, what is that on top of your head? Here, let me grab 2 handfuls of your hair and yank your head down so I can see. Oh, and while I'm at it, let me grab your eyelashes and stick my fingers up your nose. Aren't I cute?
And finally....
Oh, that looks dangerous. Here Max, let me figure it out and then I'll show you too!!!!



Max...
Mighty Max
Little Linebacker
Itty Bitty Al
Super Sheepdog, ready to fly away at a moment's notice with his hairwings.
Truly, I have never seen a 1 year old boy built this way. His shoulders are ridiculous, his legs and arms are like trunks, his butt looks like he's been doing squats since the womb, and his lips? Angelina Jolie could be jealous.

Summing it up for the man...
I don't like that. I don't care if I've eaten it before, I don't care how long it took you to make it and I don't care if Mercy is eating it. If it's not sweet, fruity, perfect consistency and NOT green, I am most certainly NOT letting it past my adorable lips.
Is that soft? Can I have it? Can I throw it on the floor, then throw myself on it and then rub my sweet little face in it? Thanks!! That is my second fave thing to do.
My first fave thing is: running at full speed into the end of my crib with my head. I've now moved on to trying it out with walls AND putting myself in downward dog while I whack my head on the ground. Mind you, I laugh maniacally while doing these things.
I also think I am very funny when I run around like a maniac weeble wobble with my hands straight above my head.
AS a matter of FACT, I just think I am darn funny. I kill myself! I should be in a room with an audience of me clones...the laughter would NEVER stop!
If it can fit in my mouth, I WILL eat it. If I can shove the whole thing in there, even better. That lego tasted darn good and so do those puzzle pieces! Why don't you serve THOSE for dinner, MOM?
And finally,
I love my Dad. He's the best. AND he's my fave person on the planet. (next to my stuffed blue dog.)

As for me? Pregnant, tired, ready to move and ready to meet five.
As for my better half? Tired, tired of me being pregnant, ready to move and ready to meet five.
For both of us? Amazed at our chaos, our family and our amazing kids. God is Good!

And so we wait.

For our little man. No test results have given us any indication of a reason for the polyhydramnios. I've seen both my doctors and they've agreed upon June 4 as an induction date, barring any other developments. Today I learned that my little man had a few soft markers for down's syndrome at my 20 week anatomy scan, but that they seem to have resolved. After a bit of googling, I decided I just wasn't going to read any more. I need to remember my pledge to have faith and wait for God to reveal his plan for our family and this child.
The waiting just sucks. 2 more weeks. Pray for the time to fly and our positive resolve to remain strong.
I promise to post some fun pics and anecdotes about the 4 bigger mini macs soon!
Thanks to all of you for your thoughtful calls, emails, prayers and comments. They have made a huge impact on our family and our hearts.
Love to all,
Clan Mac Mama + 1

Trust is a funny thing...

and I often find myself having the least amount of trust where I should have the most. NOOOO....I am not talking about my sweet hubby, that is just a given. :-) I am talking about trust in God, the ultimate source of all that is right, all that is comforting, all that we are blessed with as a family.
This latest little crisis with five has helped me turn a corner, reach a peace, find my center again. Thursday was awful after we left the doctor's office. I felt overwhelmed, discouraged, scared, angry, sad. So many things. Determined not to raise the alarm, I was only going to talk to my Moms & a few friends about what was going on. Well, as I sat on the couch late into the night, watching my shows and feeling my little man flip, twist and try to eviscerate my internal parts...I had a bit of a light bulb moment. That little sh*t with the horns was sitting directly on my shoulder, filling me with doubt, sadness and every one of those fears that was propelling my tears. Well! You all know how I hate being told what to do, so I just turned a bit, flicked that little sh*t off my shoulder and decided that the only person who could tell me what to do was telling me. He was whispering it in my ear. Faith. Have Faith. Trust in Me. Believe in Me. Know Me.

So here's what I did. I asked my Moms to pray for us. I posted it here. I posted it on facebook. And I'm going to tell everyone I can think of. I'm going to spread it near and far, widely disseminating our need for prayer. Because if I do, if I trust in Him, willingly accept whatever He thinks our family can handle, then we can. We can handle it. Through Him, in Him, with Him.

And I feel at peace. I sleep at night. I don't have dreams of what might be. (I do dream about water and pressure, then wake up and realize it's just me having to pee AGAIN...)
Am I still nervous? Yep. Am I still filled with questions? You betcha. Do I still feel like my life is about to implode? Nope. Because I know this. If He takes you to it, He will lead you through it. (Thanks Kristin!)

So, please keep praying. Please keep us in your hearts. Please cover us with all of the faith we need. It gives us peace.

And the biggest thank you's in all of this go to my husband, who has not wavered once in his faith that we can handle whatever God sends our way. To my Moms, who have lifted us up in prayer and in faith that our son will be just fine. And to my friend Kristin, whose blog about her adoptions and her faith journey reminded me that I need to walk with God, not just occasionally drop in for a visit.
And finally, to that little sh*t, for sitting on my shoulder and thinking he could tell me what to do. You little idiot. If you knew anything at all about me (as my God does,) you'd know better! Ha Ha Ha Ha. God WINS again!!!!!

What our family needs right now is,

prayer.
I had no intentions of posting this or sharing this news. I expressed to both my Mom & Mom in law today that I didn't really want to share this with anyone, that I really just needed them to put their prayer warrior hats on and get that pipeline to God moving. And then I realized that if I don't share it, I don't get all of those prayers that I know we need right now.
I found out monday that I have polyhydramnios. (In a nutshell, too much amniotic fluid.) The cause is as yet unknown, pending some tests I've had and will have tomorrow. We are praying mightily that the cause lies with me and not our little bean. Without getting into details, there are many possible causes for this condition, some that stem from me and some from the baby. And then there are those that have no reason at all (idiopathic.) If my test results are negative, we will have to wait for my little man's birth to ensure that he is ok. So, for the first time ever in my life, I am praying hard for something to be wrong with me. Just me. Not our baby, my little bean, my five.
Please understand if I don't want to talk to much about this. I have to figure out how to get through the next few weeks until they induce me without thinking about this every second of every day. Please just put us in your prayers and send all of the positive thoughts you can our way. Please. Just pray.

With all of our love,
the clan mac

Dear Mom,

Mom and her girls

I never knew, until Eva was born, how much you loved me. I never knew, until she went off to her first day of school, how scared you felt when it was my first day. I never knew, until I had Charley, that all that fear I felt about loving the 2nd as much as the 1st was just silly. I never knew, until I had Max & Mercy, that I could have enough room in my heart for them too.
There is so much I never knew. And so much more that I am grateful for. And so much more I have to learn. And so much I can learn just from being your daughter.
My Mom gives of herself even when she has nothing left to give.
My Mom supports me, listens to me, tells me the way it is.
My Mom makes my kids feel like they are the utter and absolute center of her universe. Just like she made me feel when I was growing up.
My Mom always makes me feel like I can do "it," whatever "it" is.
My Mom accepts me. For me. Loves me the way I am.
My Mom drops everything when her kids need her.
My Mom dropped everything when her Mom needed her. And showed my siblings and I what it truly means to unconditionally love your family. In a way that words cannot describe, but that my heart knows is utterly amazing.
My Mom means more to me than I could ever tell her.
She is my rock.
She is my friend.
She is my counselor.
She is my Mom.
And on this day, like every day, I am blessed. I am grateful. I am loved.
By my one, my only, my best. Mom.

I love you so much Mom! Happy Mother's Day!!

Nana and her girls!

This is usually what happens on holidays. My Mom cooks and we act like idiots. :-)

Nana and my girls after a very successful egg hunt!

Nana and Charley searching for more loot!

Charley Mac turned four today!

She celebrated with lots of play!
First morning gifts and cards to open,
For many presents she was a-hopin.'
A taste of the sky, a run in the rain,

This joy, I pray, will never wane.
If you need proof that God exists,
Just witness this child's pure bliss.
A date to play with 2 great friends,
A day of fun she hopes never ends.
Toys cars, a movie, some bendaroos,
a watch, flip flops, pretty charms too!
We capped her day with chick fil-a,
favorite chicken, ice cream and lots more play! Surrounded by mini macs and big sis Eva,
She's such a sweet lil' girl, never a diva!
Happy Birthday, my bean. My little sidekick.
My days with you are always a kick!
I'm 4 today, you said with pride,
it made my heart swell just like the tide.
I'm almost grown up! You said to Grandpa,
Tearing the heart right out of your Ma!
Happy Birthday to you, Charley Anne,
Love your Mama, your biggest fan!

Timing is...

everything. And, truthfully, not one bit in our control. As a society of people striving for the "American Dream," we endeavor to time each and every parcel of our lives to fit our neatly planned future.
Well, guess what. I'm here to tell you that....
timing really isn't everything.
Let me tell you about mine.
I tried to time the birth of my first little bean with the end of my senior year in college. Figured it would take a while. Guess what? NOT SO MUCH. Which is exactly why I am exactly one year away from the end of my senior year and that 8.5 x 11 piece of parchment paper that tells me I finished something besides my dessert, workout rotations and Marine Corps bootcamp.
Well, then I figured I could time little bean #2 to be just the right number of years younger than #1. HA. 18 months of fertility struggles, one ridiculous allergic reaction and a trip to Hawaii later and #2 was way behind schedule.
So, then I figured #3 should be right on the heels of #2 and lo and behold, he almost was. Sadly, my baby bean was an angel before I ever met him. I may have never held my little boy, but he holds my heart squarely in his tiny little palm.
WELL, you all know what happened next. Another round of help and we're onto the clan mac twin beans. Right smack in the middle of an Iraq deployment and TBS. (don't forget the cross country move and PCS to NC.)
To top it all off? Clan Mac bean #5 slides into home base for the final run.
Let's add building a house, homeschooling and attempting to reclaim myself? HOLY CRAP, that is some serious chaos.

The point? Timing really isn't up to us. So quit trying to plan life to the nth degree and enjoy it for what it is right now. (I'm really talking to myself here and if you get the point, well GREAT!) Really, we think we're in control and REALLY, we're not. HE is. So, sit back, relax, fasten your seat belts and ENJOY THE RIDE. :-)

off to not plan another day...
(hah!)
tiff

Toddling, Teaching and Tummies...oh, and houses.

are the focus of life in the clan mac right now!

Max the MAN is toddling around, lumbering from one toy to the next, arms up for balance, looking quite like the monkey. Mercy, on the other hand, refuses to walk, preferring to speed crawl or use her walker to get to her destination.



I am putting my teaching hat back on and taking the plunge...homeschool clan mac is officially opening up for business in the fall.

My tummy is growing by the day with our latest -as yet unnamed- little blessing.

AND, our house is plugging along, all gazillion square feet of it. We're praying all stays on schedule and we are in like by flynn by June 30.

So let me start my little update by simply saying...
1. No, I am not worried about socializing my children b/c they will be homeschooled. I don't WANT them socialized in our screwed up modern day version of Soddom and Gomorrah, that's WHY I am homeschooling.
2. No, I do not think that I am better than the wonderful teachers that dedicate their lives to our children. I think our system is broken and they do the absolute best they can. I just want something different for my kids.
3. No, I do not think my kids will be weird. I'm not weird. Charles isn't weird. And who cares, really, if they are? All kinds of folks make up the world, so what on earth would this world be like without some really cool weird kids to invent all the stuff that makes our lives so convenient? (Pretty sure Bill Gates was a total weirdo geek. Would LOVE to have his brains and money.)
4. Yes, I know I'll be busy. Pretty sure I am right now, since I have 4 kids that are 7, 3, 15 mos and 15 mos AND I am an incubator again. What's one more to the chaos? Heck, it can't get any more crazy. What's a little breastmilk and some more poopy diapers to add to the fun of our days?
5. And finally, I'm tired of trying to explain dieting, earrings in boys, broken rules, crappy school food options, "no those pants don't make you look fat," why they don't pray before meals and how to fend off mean bus brats.
6. Oh, and one more finally. WE know that we can't raise our children in a bubble, but we can raise them in our faith, with our values and with the education we wish them to have. And this is how we choose to do it. Not as an indictment of our school systems or any other family's choices. Each family has to do what it takes to make their unit work. And this choice is ours.

As for my tummy? My little man just keeps getting bigger and bigger! I'm frequently informed that I look like I've swallowed a basketball. I'm not sure what they'll call it in another month... "Oh, aren't you cute? You're all baby! It's just like you swallowed a ... (fill in the blank here with a giant round object of your choice.)"

And, lastly, for the dream house we've waited almost 20 years for? Well, folks....

Here it is!!
Pray for June 15 closing!!

Well, that's all for now folks!
love,
the clan mac mama +1

Binkie Wars...

and silly faces!
Having 4 kids is like having your own stand up comedy show troupe. Yesterday was particularly entertaining as I got to watch Mercy repeatedly steal Charley's binky, which Charley promptly stole back. In the midst of this, my frighteningly smart 3 year old is spelling out my name (not Mom, Tiffany...) on her leapster while Mercy attempts to put in her own letters and eat the leapster pen. All accompanied by Max's maniacal laugh once he got involved and got Charley going on the "spit out binkie with projectile force to make Max giggle" project. This was later followed by the "push and shove" contest to see which mini mac could attack Mommy first. I must say, Max is no longer taking Mercy' crap. He plows right over her if the mood strikes. Ah, the complexities of twindom. Things are getting very interesting...

Here's some cutie patootie pics to prove my kids are adorable...

Mercy...making a "can I make it to open this cabinet before she catches me" face. Either that or it's the poop face.

Mercy...making the "look, I'm smiling for the camera" sploosh face. THIS is why I have no smiling pics of that little terd.

Eva & Charley making the "it snowed, we're cold and we conned Mom into hot cocoa, marshmallows and cookies...what can we get out of her next..." faces. :-)

Max...the "seriously, you are going to take a picture of this?" face.

Proof that these little terds NEVER let me take a pic with 2 smiling babies.


ah... "self portrait with favored stuffed animal of the moment..." by Eva

What happens when your kids steal your camera. :-)

well...that's it for now. Gotta post on the mini mac birthday and all the latest for our clan. I'll get there....
love,
clan mac mama + 1